I will turn 81 on April 28, 2025. That is a fact that I am trying to embrace with as much "cool" as I can muster, while trying my best to reinvent myself yet again before its all over! Besides reaching my 80s, two significant events have triggered in me the desire to embrace the truth of the Serenity Prayer above: my own health crisis last year and last year's presidential election - both eye-opening and both wearisome. I believe there are still some things I can change, but there are also more things that I simply cannot change. These days, I find myself praying for the wisdom I need to know the difference. With a limited amount of time left, a limited amount of energy and a limited amount of projects I can be involved in, I have decided to use my time, energy and involvement well, simply by focusing on changing myself first and then the world around me. As a favorite old saying goes, "It is easier to put on slippers than it is to carpet the world." (It is easier to change myself than try to change everybody around me.)
After some serious reflection, I have come up with three changes that I will be trying to embrace going forward. There may be more additional changes needed as time goes by, but these three changes have already been decided on and they are already being implemented. Changing the world, going forward, will no doubt have to be one person at a time, but the basic goal is to bring more serenity into my life.
1. I HAVE QUIT WATCHING SO MUCH NEWS
A couple of years ago, I could watch news 2-3 hours a day, especially when something "big" was happening somewhere in the world. I could watch multiple news cycles covering the same situation. However, much of the "news" today cannot be trusted. You have to sift through a mountain of exaggerated details to get to a single kernel of truth. It's emphasis on scandal, political machinations and crime is depressing especially when its residue accumulates in one's consciousness. News, once a day to stay informed, is my new "normal." Rather than being enraged repeatedly about something on the news that I can't do anything about, I would rather do something positive that I can do something about and make more space for silence so I can hear myself think. As the old proverb says, "Outside noisy, inside empty."
2. I HAVE QUIT FOCUSING ON STRUCTURAL CHANGES AND PUT IT ON INDIVIDUALS
In the past, my ministry, or maybe a big part of it, was focused on changing the structures of the church. I do think I had some impact, especially when I was a "continuing education" director for a major seminary, but that direction seemed to work better when I was a young priest. As a "senior priest," and no longer a pastor, I have decided to quit focusing on changing church organizational structures and focus more on delivering quality ministry to individuals.
How I do it is by writing blog posts that publish my homilies and spiritual reflections, by publishing spiritual reading books, by typing out every homily as printed scripts, by making copies of those homilies for senior citizens, religious and laity, who can't hear or remember all that well. I especially like to give survivors useful, inciteful and encouraging words at the funerals of their loved ones rather than repetitious "stock sermons." I also do a lot of one-on-one meetings, lunches and brunches with people who simply need to talk.
3. I HAVE QUIT WANTING TO ACCUMULATE MORE AND HAVE EMBRACED WANTING TO GIVE MORE AWAY
I don't need or want a newer car, a bigger and better house, more travel vacations and more "stuff" of all kinds to take up space and to be cared for! I have enough saved to take care of myself, if I live simply, and I have learned over time the intrinsic value of living simply. I started planning and saving for retirement fifty years ago - when I turned thirty - so I could land right where I am!
In retirement, I want to focus on my personal health and to use my resources and talents to help the poor in a wise and care-filled way - without rewarding their bad behavior. Instead of wasting my time and resources on accumulating stuff I don't need or stuff that I already know will not make me happier, I want to use my time doing ministry, with willing partners, in places around the world where I have made connections. I would rather remodel my old grade school building for newer purposes or help build a church in Kenya than buy a newer car or a bigger condo. Rather than wasting my precious resources on indulging myself, I would rather live simply to be able to give away some surplus and maybe having a little bit left over to leave to the people and charitable institutions who have enriched my life along the way.
CONCLUSION
In short, I do not want to "drift" into old age with my eyes closed, trying to pretend it isn't happening. I want to (a) "manage" what I can, as long as I can, (b) "accept" what I cannot change and (3) pray for the wisdom to know the difference.
I do not have children, but I still want to leave a "legacy." I want to leave my "mark." I hope people will remember me as a person who gave his all to the people he served. I hope people will remember the projects I completed to pass on to the next generation. Most of all, I hope to be remembered as a person who had a positive influence on the people who came into contact with him while he was here!
Looking back, I am amazed and grateful for the experiences I have had that I could never have imagined growing up. Looking forward, I do not want to ruin all of that by trying to repeat it, hang onto it or quit believing that "the best is yet to come!"