SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I LEAVE?

Many of his disciples no longer accompanied him, so Jesus asked, "Do you want to leave too?" Simon Peter answered   him, saying, "Master, to whom would we go?"

John 6:60-69

Many people tell me that I'm nuts for being a Catholic priest. I hadn't been ordained but a day when the first person came out of nowhere to challenge me on this. I have told this story before, but it immediately came to mind when I read this gospel. It happened at one of the receptions, following my first Mass.

I was standing there in my new black suit and Roman collar - a little proud of myself - when all of a sudden, a stranger approached me and stuck a pin in my balloon. "I can’t imagine anyone as intelligent as you seem to be would still be a Catholic, must less become a priest! I got out of all that craziness a long time ago!"

I stood there, shocked, like I had been shot at close range as she went down her well-rehearsed list of things wrong with the Church.  When she finished, she disappeared into the crowd, never to be heard from again - at least that is what I thought.

Like me, St. Peter must have been challenged many times about his decision to stay that day, when so many others walked away because of Jesus teaching on the "bread of life" because he writes many years later, in the first of his two letters, "Always be ready to give an explanation to anyone who asks you for a reason for your hope, but do it with gentleness and reverence." (I Peter 3:15,16) When I am challenged, I try to follow his advice.

That first happened when I was 26. I am now 82.  At 82, I agree wholeheartedly with Peter. "To whom would I go?" I have been offered a lot of so-called alternatives, I recognized more problems in our Church than most of them, but I can say this much in all honesty. I haven't seen anything yet that I would trade all this for! 

I served as a chaplain at Bellarmine for 14 years. One of the most important questions facing those youth going in their young adulthood was "Why do you stay in the Church?" Why do you choose to remain Catholic, when so many others your age were walking away? I am sure many of them had been challenged seriously, maybe even in an angry way.

Well, I used to remind them, every once in a while, that I was not "assigned" there by the bishop. I didn't have to be there. I had plenty of other jobs - too many jobs, in fact. But I wanted to be there and I choose to do that because I wanted to help to give them, and those who questioned them, reasons to stay in the Church so that they did not "walk away,” or worse, just "drift away." 

I volunteered to do Sunday Masses to help give them reasons "to stay in the Church." I volunteered because I wanted to help them move from an inherited faith, to a personal faith. There are many people today who claim they want to be "spiritual, but not religious." Archbishop Dolan of New York described them this way, "They want to believe without belonging. They want to be sheep without a shepherd. They want to be part of a family, but they want to be an only child."  The fact of the matter is that Jesus founded a church on Peter, one of those who did not walk away, and Jesus promised that "the gates of hell shall not prevail against it" and that he would "be with it always, until the end of time."  The truth of the matter is, we are not individually children of God, we are God's family with many siblings and as a family we are called to be our brother’s and sister’s keepers.

By the way, the woman who challenged me fifty-six years ago contacted me a couple of years back to apologize and to tell me that she had returned to the Church and was absolutely loving it for the first time in her life. As that great "theologian," Yogi Berra put it, "It ain't over till it's over."  

 

ARE YOU BORN AGAIN? ALL AT ONCE OR GRADUALLY OVER TIME?

Jesus said to Nicodemus, "Amen, amen, I say to you, unless one is born from above, he cannot see the Kingdom of God." Nicodemus said to him, "How can a man once grown old be born again? Surely, he cannot reenter his mother's womb and be born again, can he?"

John 3:1-8

Are you saved? Have you been “born again?’ Have you accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior? If you really want to make a Catholic squirm and sweat and doubt their religious upbringing, just corner one and rattle off that set of questions!  

 

When I worked in the Bible Belt, down in the southern part of the state, Catholics, including myself, were often bombarded with those questions. More than one Catholic was left confused and bewildered. Their counterparts could date the precise hour they were “saved,” while Catholics stood there puzzled and confused. 

 

Today’s gospel gives us a perfect opportunity to talk about these questions. To be “born again,” does one have to have dramatic, certain and dated experience or can one grow toward God in an extended process, sometimes without a clear beginning and end?

 

Many of our fundamentalist brothers and sisters look to the Apostle Paul as their hero and ideal. His conversion experience was dramatic and decisive. It was a shattering, clearly memorable confrontation with the person of Christ on the road to Damascus when he was on his way to hunt down Christians and kill them. After this dramatic u-turn in his life, he fanatically embraced and defended what he had recently persecuted and attacked. His conversion experience was so dramatic that the story is retold three times in the Acts of the Apostles and referred to three more times in various New Testament Letters. 

 

Paul’s emphasis on personal-individual faith, his emphasis on a dateable dramatic decision and evangelistic zeal have become the prototype and model of Christian conversion, especially for fundamentalist Christian groups.

 

Roman Catholic Christians, while respecting Paul’s experience, look to the Apostle Peter as their hero and model. Peter’s experience was very different. In one gospel passage, Peter does in fact make his profession of faith, but like many of us, it is the climax of a long and gradual insight into who Jesus was.

 

Even though some would like to suggest that everybody has to have a definite conversion experience that can be dated, the New Testament does not suggest a single stereotype for an authentic Christian conversion experience. Nicodemus, for example, who triggered the discussion with Jesus about what it means to be “born again” is an ambiguous illustration of conversion. We do not know whether Jesus persuaded Nicodemus or not. All we know is that he turned up to help out at the burial of Jesus.

 

Roman Catholics have often dismissed as silly emotionalism the dramatic and decisive conversions of fundamentalists, while fundamentalists have often dismissed the long and gradual conversions of Catholic believers. The fact is, the church has always welcomed both kinds of conversion experiences.

 

 

 

FAITH IN GOD IS THE ANTIDOTE FOR A TROUBLED HEART

Do not let your hearts be troubled. You have faith in God.

John 14:1-12

I would describe myself, in my early years, as an “anxious” person. To be “anxious” is to be “uneasy and apprehensive about something uncertain” or to be “worried.”  It’s all about that awful thing that might happen next.  This was especially true when I left Meade County, at age 14, and entered St. Thomas Seminary High School here in Louisville. I experienced being “a lost ball in tall weeds” as I entered my first-round of “culture shock!”

Those who have lived with spouse abuse or lived with a raging alcoholic or drug addicted person also know what I mean. Living in anxiety is a lot like living with a ticking time-bomb strapped to your leg – only day and night every day. It is living in dread, living on “pins and needles,” “waiting for the other shoe to drop,” waiting to “hit bottom” after falling. It is no way to live and only those who have been there understand what I am talking about.  

As a small child, anxiety was a simple passing experience – the terror of hiding under covers, wide-awake, after my older sister, Brenda, had told convincing ghost stories or during the height of a crashing, booming rainstorm.

As a fifteen-year-old from “the country” in a high school seminary in “the city,” my anxiety was about the fear of failure, the fear of not being good enough, the fear of rejection, the fear of being laughed at for being a “hillbilly,” the fear of being bullied because I was “skinny” and the fear of not having enough money to live on during the school year.

As a young priest, anxiety was about being threatened by the Ku Klux Klan, being scorned in public by some Protestant ministers for being a Catholic and for being a liberal Catholic by fundamentalist Catholics, being stalked by a knife wielding schizophrenic for welcoming fallen-away marginal Catholics back to church, watching years of work and dreams crack and almost fall to the ground in front of me during the Cathedral renovation, sleeping with one eye open for years after having my home burglarized three times, being ashamed of being a priest and of maybe being falsely accused during wave after wave of bad news during the sexual abuse scandal and waiting for the results of a biopsy that might have been cancer. 

As an older priest, anxiety had to do with three major disappointments when one great assignment ended and my plans for what I expected to do next burned and crash on the launch pad. It was only then that I found out that the Plan B that God had in store actually turned out better than the Plan A that I wanted to happen. It was then that I realized that all my anxiety had been one big waste of time.  

At 82, this may be the most anxiety free time of my life. Today, I know “peace,” the opposite of “anxiety.”  I have a safe place to live. I have enough saved to live comfortably and a little saved for the future. I have a few successes behind me and I have a variety of wonderful small jobs to wake up to every day. I feel accepted by myself and, as far as I know, I am loved by most of those who know me. 

Most of all, I discovered the cure for “anxiety.” I am more at peace now. than I have ever been, because I have discovered the “good news” that Jesus came to bring. I have come to understand and know that I am loved by God, without condition, and in the end that everything is going to turn out OK, even if I may still have to face the challenges of old age, bad health and, God forbid, a painful death.  Yes, I have to admit that heading into 83, I have that feeling I used to get when I was walking across thin ice wondering when it would crack and I would suddenly find myself in a real crisis. However, because of the peace that God gives those who believe in his “good news,” I am confident that he will help me handle the rest of the way whatever comes my way because his way is always the better way!     

"Peace!" These words of Jesus were not only addressed to the terrified disciples, huddled together and cringing in fear, in that upper room after his crucifixion, as well as Paul addressed to the anxious Philippians, these words are addressed to all of us Catholics today; whether you are a student worried about grades, finances or the fall-out of a bad choice made in the heat of passion; whether you are living in abusive relationship or an unsafe environment or with constant discrimination for being different; whether you are unemployed and in debt up to your ears or barely handling a chronic health problem; whether you are a single parent trying to make it on your own; whether you are religiously scrupulous and live in constant fear of a punishing God and can’t let go of it or whether you are facing a major health crisis, Jesus addresses his words to you today. ‘Peace be with you! Calm down! It’s going to be OK! When all is said and done, things are going to turn out just fine. I am with you! Trust me with Plan B!'

Anxiety is worry about what might happen. Peace is the awareness that everything will be OK no matter what happens.  Trust in God is the only way to peace. Peace is God’s gift to us and it is based on the “good news” that we are loved and that great things await us – because God said so!

Let me end with one of my favorite prayers by Saint Francis de Sales.  

Do not look forward in fear to the changes in life; rather, look to them with full hope that as they arise, God, whose very own you are, will lead you safely through all things; and when you cannot stand it, God will carry you in His arms. Do not fear what may happen tomorrow; the same understanding Father who cares for you today will take care of you then and every day. He will either shield you from suffering or will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace, and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The twelve called the whole community together and said, "Brothers, select from among you seven reputable men whom we shall appoint to the task of the daily distribution so that we can devote ourselves to prayer and to the ministry of the word."

Acts of the Apostles 6:1-7

I cannot read this story without being reminded that “changes in the church” have always been a part of our history, even in the very early church. I cannot read this story without also thinking about the necessity of pulling in more people to do ministry as the church has expanded.

Also, I cannot think about how church leaders have always needed help in carrying out their ministry without thinking of the story of Aaron and Hur holding up the hands of Moses in battle in the Book of Exodus (17:12). "As long as Moses kept his hands raised up, Israel had the better of the fight. Aaron and Hur supported his hands, one on one side and one on the other, so that his hands remained steady till sunset." 

Nor can I read the story of Aaron and Hur holding up the two arms of Moses without thinking about one of the best descriptions of deacons and priests and their relationship to the bishop that I have ever read. Deacons and priests serve as the two arms of the bishop as he carries out his ministry. It is in Walter Cardinal Kasper's book Leadership in the Church: How Traditional Roles Can Serve the Christian Community Today.

One of the great things to come out of Vatican Council II was the restoration of the deaconate. Now various motives were behind this restoration, including a vision of relieving the pressure of a future priest-shortage. The council rejected this idea because the deaconate is an autonomous grade of the sacrament of orders, not a substitute in places where priests were lacking nor one particular form of lay ministry. The council fathers saw the deaconate as vitally necessary to the life of the church and, with the presbyterate, one ordained ministry, of which the episcopacy is the fullness, going back past medieval developments to early church ordination liturgies and patristic theology. The deaconate and the presbyterate have different tasks and denote two different structures, but must collaborate with one another because they both participate in the bishop's ministry and both are immediately subordinate to the bishop.

The Council saw the deaconate and the presbyterate as graded participation in the bishop’s ministry. The deaconate is not a subordination to the presbyterate.  The presbyter and the deacon are subordinate to the bishop directly – his two arms so to speak. The deacon is not an "almost priest,” nor one who fills in the gap where no priests are available, nor should it be seen as transitional stage on the path to priesthood.

The main role of the deacon, as the bishop’s representative, is to lead, inspire and motivate the whole church to service in collaboration with priests. Deacons do not do service for the church, but make sure the church is doing service. This necessary leadership role does not dispense the laity, the bishop or the priest from their own service tasks. Deacons are charged with promoting service in the whole church, to inspire, motivate and train others for service, not to do it all personally for the church.

At liturgy, it is the deacon’s responsibility to bring the needs of the community, especially the poor, to the table. It is the deacon who trains and guides volunteers, as well as, lay ministers. The deacon is the contact person to governmental services. No matter what he is doing, the deacon’s role is to make sure the church is serving, not to be an “almost priest” nor, as I have experienced on occasion, a “dress-up deacon” who likes to wear robes and pectoral crosses bigger than the bishop himself and just perform liturgical functions, but could care less about the messy ministry of service.

Neither priest nor deacon carries out his own ministry. Both help the bishop carry out his ministry. The gradations in the participation in the bishop's ministry thus denote two separate arms, which have different tasks but must collaborate with one another in unity.

In a real sense, both deacons and priests "make the bishop present" in the communities entrusted to them. Both deacons and priests make a “promise of obedience.” That promise does not mean, “Yes, boss, I’ll do it if you force me to do it!” It simply means that we promise not to be overly attached to our own preferences and points of view so that the unified ministry of the bishop is made visible and is realized in the diocese.  

I have no idea where the church will be going in the future as it adapts to the changes of the world in which it finds itself, but I do know that it will need to change or it will find itself in an impossible situation of trying to lead from behind.

I have a feeling, only a personal feeling mind you, that the married deaconate, as well as our recent ordination of former married Protestant clergy, is preparing us for an expansion into more married priests, while celibacy will remain an option. Even at that, I certainly do not believe that married priests will automatically be a solution to our priest shortage. Protestant clergy, and Jews as well for that matter, have both married and women clergy and are also facing a severe shortage of clergy.

There is one change that I see would be helpful and that is the expansion of deacons being able to celebrate the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick in hospitals and nursing homes. They are the ones who visit the sick more often than priests in today’s church, but a priest needs to be called to celebrate that Sacrament instead of a Deacon.

At 82, I will not be here to see either of those changes happen, but I do realize that I have seen more changes happen in my lifetime that I ever imagined growing up in the pre-Vatican II Church or back when I knew very little about the history of our Church.  All I do know is that we have always changed, that we are changing as I speak and we will continue to change till the end of time as Jesus promised! I also know that some will like the changes, some won’t like the changes, but we will change anyway, like it or not!    

 

 

 

 

 

CHURCH CHAT #26

 

MOTHER GOOSE'S BABIES ARRIVED - AN UPDATE FROM APRIL 16

 
Six of the seven eggs hatched the night of the April 27th storm! The mother, father and six goslings are doing great and were up eating the morning of my birthday on April 28th. Here they are - all enjoying some stale bread I served them for breakfast. 

At first I panicked when I opened the blinds and saw the empty nest with one unhatched egg. I thought mother goose was scared away from her nest by the storm and downfall of rain and some animal had snacked on the other eggs. 

I looked out a couple of times to see if the mother had returned to the nest only to see her and her new family looking up at me with a hungry look in their eyes! I was relieved and I could not believe that her six goslings were up eating just a day after they were born during a storm! 

Even though nature is fun to watch, the last thing we needed on our condo pond was another six geese relieving themselves on the grass. Last fall, I counted at least twenty-two of them at one time! Thank God that the condo association mows the grass for us! 

I THOUGHT BEING 82 YEARS OLD WAS JUST FOR OLD PEOPLE!

REFLECTIONS ON MY 82nd BIRTHDAY

Aging is a bit like riding a roller coaster called "the Beast." When you are young, getting to the top is very slow and you grow impatient as you wait to get older and older, but once you get to the top of the highest hill (middle age) and go over the top, you start going down hill with more and more speed until you finally get to the end and have to get off! 

For some, the whole ride is fiercely scary, filled with mostly screaming and a white-knuckled hanging on for dear life!  For others, the ride is mostly fun - one screaming white-knuckled hanging on thrill-ride after another! Some are happy that it's over, while others want to do it all over again! While being very grateful for the many wonderful experiences, I am certainly not pushing to repeat it. However, I am content to coast a while toward the exit, savoring what I have just been through, without any hurry to get off this ride. 

However, I am more than happy with myself that I got up enough courage to take on "The Beast" a few times in the first place. I am more than happy to have had the many intense experiences of its ups and downs, but rather than wanting to repeat another round of "The Beast," I am hoping to try a few more different "rides" that are not so steep and body-whipping - maybe a few age-appropriate "rides" like the "Merry-Go-Round" or the "Tea-Cup?" 

Finally, when the time comes, I am looking forward to experiencing the next "thrill ride" waiting to be tried in the "great beyond" after I have had a few years to reflect on, and savor, my last great "thrill ride" called "The Beast!"