A lot is made these days of our "right to choose," but
little is said about our responsibility to choose wisely, not to mention our
responsibility to accept the consequences of our choices. Some people are like
kids who go through life eating the filling out of the Oreos and then throwing
the cookies away. They want freedom without the responsibility that goes with
it! They want to choose, but they are not necessarily willing to accept the
responsibility that goes with their choices.
We may have the right to eat French Fries and
Chicken Nuggets three times a day, but we also have the responsibility to
eat healthily. If we only exercise our right to eat
whatever we want, without accepting our responsibility to eat well, we will
sooner or later have to accept the consequences of our choices. College students
may have a right to skip class, but they also have a responsibility to
go to class. If they only exercise their right to skip, they must be willing to
accept the consequences of maybe flunking out of school. If we only
exercise our right to accept a credit card, without accepting
our responsibility for paying for what we charge, we will
sooner or later have to accept the painful consequences of our choices - ruining
our credit for years to come! Our culture is now filling up with
people who keep trying to beat this basic truth!
Young friends here today, I have something to
say to you. One of the benefits of being a young adult is finally being able to
enjoy the freedom to make your own choices. One of the upsides of
the freedom to choose is the ability to build your own life the way you want it
through a series of personal choices. One of the downsides of the freedom to
choose is the freedom to ruin your own life through a series of
poorly-thought-out choices. The freedom to choose, combined with the ability to
choose wisely, is the ideal. Yet there are many who cannot handle their freedom
well and end up losing it. Choosing what feels good at the moment, without the
personal discipline to choose what would actually be good over the long haul,
is a recipe for disaster. Hearing about people ruining their lives
has actually become a favorite American entertainment. Many think it is funny
to watch stupid people on trash TV tell the world how they have ruined their
lives and the lives of those who have been associated with them.
Every day people like Judge Judy and Maury Povich make big bucks
featuring people who have ruined their lives and the lives of those around them
because of the poor choices they have made. They have the "freedom to
choose" but choose poorly. They have the "freedom to choose" but
they don't have the ability to discern what is of
value. Illegitimate children, ruined marriages, sexually transmitted
diseases, financial ruin, family disintegration, squandered opportunities for a
good education and loss of reputation are only a few of the consequences of
making choices without the ability to choose wisely.
To be able to "discern what is of value," we must
develop self-mastery. By “self-mastery,” I mean we have to be able to name and
then "stand up to" our addictions, our cowardice and our laziness in
order to create the life we want to have! We must be able to "handle"
ourselves and our cravings - for a higher purpose and for our long-term good.
We must be able to continually clarify what we really want out of life,
constantly focusing our energies to reach for what we want and consistently
dealing in truth rather than self-deception.
People with self-mastery approach their lives like artists
approaching the task of producing a work of art. People with self-mastery know
how to discern what is of value and use what they have discerned to live on
purpose! The spiritual disciplines of both East and West speak often
of the practice self-mastery. I published a book eight years ago on
this very subject. It is an autobiography mapping the choices I have made since
age six and how those choices made me what I am today – for good or for bad! It
is called BETWEEN COURAGE AND COWARDICE: Choosing to Do Hard Things for
Your Own Good.
One of the sad things about our culture, in which freedom of
choice is so highly honored, is the growing tendency to deflect responsibility
for our choices after we make them. If our culture is to survive,
the freedom to choose must be combined with personal responsibility. To demand
the freedom to make our own choices and then throw the blame on others when
those choices backfire is the height of cowardice and irresponsibility - and
yet it is so popular in our culture. Freedom without responsibility is wreaking
havoc all around us.
When enough of us have the ability to discern what
is of value and when enough of us have the self-mastery to choose what
is of value, our marriages will improve, our families will improve, our neighborhoods
will improve, the economy will improve, our churches will improve, nations will
improve and the world will improve. These problems can only be fixed one person
at a time. In reality, no one can save us from us, but
us! As I like to say, “There is no rescue party out looking for us!”
Discipline is about choosing “delayed gratification” or “good
things coming to those who wait” or “the ability to resist the temptation of an
immediate reward in favor of a larger prize in the future.” Numerous studies
have shown that the ability to delay gratification is one of the biggest
indicators of success through life – be it your ability to manage your
resources, choose the right spouse, maintain your weight, becoming skilled at a
sport or launching a career. Those who can resist temptation in pursuit of
long-term goals are blessed with an enormous advantage over the rest of the
herd. In other words, too much comfort is a bad thing – long term. Yes, lack of
self-mastery has a direct impact on the quality of multiple areas of people’s
lives. Those who cannot establish mastery over their appetites and impulses
will no doubt see many aspects of their lives quickly unravel. The ability to
subordinate a lower impulse to a higher value is the essence of a satisfying
life. Leonardo da Vinci was right when he said, “One can have no smaller or
greater mastery than mastery of oneself.”
The ability to discern what is of value and self-mastery in the
face of severe temptation is at the heart of Jesus’ desert experience. To do
his Father’s will, not his own, Jesus had to be able to see the difference
between what “looked good” and what was “actually good.” Once he was able to
discern what the will of his Father was, he needed to have the self-mastery to
follow it, no matter how tempting it was to do otherwise!
