EXPECTATIONS, DISAPPOINTMENTS AND PERSONAL PAIN

 

A UNIVERSAL REALITY

I have learned the hard way that one of the greatest sources of my disappointments and its resulting personal pain is my attachment to positive responses to the outcome of my good deeds.  Whether Buddha or Shakespeare said it first, all my disappointments and heartaches can be traced back to a stubborn attachment to the results of my overly positive expectations. 

I have learned that if I let go of my "expected positive responses" and accept my "no responses" and let go of "negative responses," I can eventually find my way to be at peace with reality. That, I have learned, takes time and practice! Such a "reconciliation with reality" is the only path that will lead to a heart filled with peace! 

After much reflection, I came come to know that my options are these: (1) I could quit doing good deeds as a way to escape the hurt of being disappointed over and over. (2) I could try to ignore or overlook the negative or no responses I get. (3) I could try to focus only on the positive responses I do get. (5) I could just focus on my love of doing good deeds regardless of the responses I get.  

I am not always successful, but I am focusing on trying to choose #5 because I know it is the only way to insure a peaceful center that no "lack of a positive response" can break!   

ADDITIONAL INSIGHTS FROM THE INTERNET

What Are the Most Common Types of Life Disappointments We Face?

The most painful disappointments usually come from the people and situations we care about most – family, friends, love, and career. Let’s be honest about the disappointments that hit us hardest. They usually fall into a few categories that most of us will recognize from our own lives.

Family Disappointments

Family disappointment hurts differently because we expect our relatives to love and support us unconditionally. When parents don’t understand your dreams, siblings betray your trust, or extended family judges your choices, it cuts deep. These disappointments about defective parents and family betrayal speak to the unique pain of family letdowns.

Friendship Betrayals

Friends are supposed to be the family we choose, so when they disappoint us, it feels like a double betrayal. Maybe they gossip about your secrets, choose other people over you, or just disappear when you need them most. Friendship disappointments for betrayal capture the specific hurt of losing someone you trusted completely.

Romantic Letdowns

Love disappointments might be the most universal human experience. Someone you care about doesn’t feel the same way, breaks promises, or just isn’t who you thought they were. Disappointments in relationships help express feelings that are hard to put into words.

Career and Educational Setbacks

You work hard, follow the rules, and expect to succeed – but sometimes it doesn’t happen that way. Job rejections, failed exams, or career stagnation can leave you questioning your worth and abilities. These disappointments affect not just your present, but your entire vision of your future.

Self-Disappointment

Sometimes the person who disappoints you most is yourself. You know you could have done better, tried harder, or made different choices. Self disappointments capture this internal struggle when you don’t live up to your own standards.

Understanding these common disappointment patterns helps you realize you’re not alone in your struggles. Everyone faces these challenges, and everyone can survive them.

THE PATH TO SURVIVING THE DISAPPOINTMENTS OF UNMET EXPECTATIONS

 

ANOTHER FABULOUS "TRIP TO BOUNTIFUL"

On July 20th, a group of friends and I drove to the beautiful sprawling farm of close-friend Lois Mateus outside Harrodsburg, Kentucky, for a visit, a wonderful dinner and a drive-around the farm in a small four-wheel vehicle. Here we are in that vehicle (below). 

LEFT TO RIGHT: me, Tim Tomes, Doreen Ovca, Lindy Street and owner Lois Mateus. 

With Tim Tomes driving, the four of us had a wonderful, talkative and relaxing trip down and back. Most of us have been there two, three or more times, but once is never enough. Her huge farm is a marvelous array of grasses, flowers, trees, animals, rolling fields and stone structures. There are engaging art pieces everywhere, inside and out, to catch your attention. To say that the rolling acres, with their old and well preserved buildings, are a marvel is to understate the fact for sure! 

Below, is one of the outside art pieces that caught my attention as we drove onto the farm road leading up to the house. It was a copper remnant from the renovation of our Cathedral of the Assumption that Lois had bid on and won at a fund-raising auction. I recognized it right off. It was copied and replaced because of some damage over the years to the original. It stands in a perfect setting with with the rolling hills all around and even the jet-stream of a plane probably landing at the nearby Lexington airport. 

CROSSING BOUNDARIES

 

Muslim Leaders Invited to Catholic Mass (Gaudate Sunday) by Bishop Mhasi, December 14, 2025

They Asked If Their Children Could Attend the New Catholic School To Be Opened In 2026

The woman came and did Jesus homage, saying, “Lord help me.” Jesus said to her, “It is not right to take the food of the children and throw it to the dogs!” She said to Jesus, “Please Lord, for even the dogs eat the scraps from the table of their masters!”

Matthew 15:21-28

Well, since I didn’t see anybody laughing or even smiling when I read it, I guess I will have to explain today's gospel story which I consider one of the funniest in the whole New Testament! 

First of all, however, I suppose I should give you a little background. This is the first and only time Jesus is reported as being outside Jewish territory. Jesus deliberately went there to get away from the demands of the crowds who were constantly pursuing him and to get away from the hostility of the Scribes and Pharisees. He needed some quiet time to think and pray about the terrible days he had come to realize that were ahead of him. By leaving Jewish territory and entering Gentile territory, he assumed that very few of his fellow Jews would follow him.  

No sooner than Jesus had crossed the border, a woman who had heard about him and the wonderful things he could do for hurting people, showed up and came up to him asking for help for her afflicted daughter. She was not only a Gentile, she was a Canaanite Gentile and Canaanites were ancestral enemies of the Jews.

The text says that Jesus didn’t say a word to her in to answer to her request! Maybe it was because Jewish men were forbidden to speak to women in public? Maybe he was just trying to pull himself together and think about how to help her? In any case, imagine that moment of awkward silence as they stood there in a stand-off – Jesus not saying anything and her not leaving!  Not being able to stand that awkward silence, the disciples of Jesus intervene. “Jesus, tell her to get out of here and quit calling out after you!” Not dissuaded by their angry rebuff, the desperate woman approached Jesus, bowed to him and said simply, “Lord, help me!”  

Here's where the fun starts! It loses something in translation so I am going to have to try to explain it in such a way that you’ll get the humorous exchange. Jesus says something quite awful-sounding to her, but you have to imagine him smiling and winking knowingly at her as he says it. Both Jesus and the woman knew, and everyone standing around knew, that the Jewish nickname for Gentiles was “dogs.” Jesus says to her in response to her request, “It is not right to take food that belongs to Jewish children and give it to “dogs” like you!” (Wink! Wink!) The slang word he used here is similar to the "b" word we have for “vicious females!”  

She must have picked up on Jesus winking at her as he was saying out loud what everybody looking on was thinking about her. Instead of using the “b” word for a female dog, in her answer she uses the word for “little puppies” or cute “household pets.” “Please, Lord, for even “little puppies” like me don’t mind eating the scrapes that fall from their master’s table!” (Wink! Wink!) It's almost like she is saying to the smiling Jesus, “Just help me because harmless little "puppies" like me don’t mind eating left-over scraps from Jews like you!”

I have always imagined them laughing and hugging each other afterwards as Jesus says to her, “O, woman, great is your faith! Let it be done as you wish!”

Remember, this story takes place outside Jewish territory. The significance of this story is that it foreshadows the going out of the gospel to the whole world; it shows us the beginning of the end of all the barriers between God and the peoples of the world!

We have a long way to go, but some of us remember the days when we Catholics believed that all non-Catholics would probably not make it to heaven? Others of us will remember the days when many Protestants thought we Catholics would certainly not make it to heaven because we did not have that “born-again” experience that they had!

Just to remind you of how far we have become, let me remind you of what the Catholic Church actually teaches today about other religions. These words come from the Vatican Council II documents.

The Document of Ecumenism says this: “Catholics must joyfully acknowledge and esteem the truly Christian endowments from our common heritage which are to be found among our Protestant brothers and sisters.  Nor should we forget that whatever is wrought by the grace of the Holy Spirit in the hearts of our separated brothers and sisters can contribute to our own edification.” (That's worth repeating!) Wow! We have come a long way, haven't we? I have benefitted greatly by what I have learned over the years since those post-Vatican II years. I preached one whole summer in Crater Lake National Park under the auspices of the United Church of Christ. I got more help in leaning to preach from them than I did from Saint Meinrad Seminary! I got my Doctorate in Parish Revitalization from the Presbyterian Church seminary in Chicago! It was because of what I learned from Presbyterians that I was able to do what I did to revitalize the Cathedral of the Assumption parish downtown in the 1980s and 1990s! 

The Document on Non-Christian Religions says this: “The Church rejects, as foreign to the mind of Christ, any discrimination against others, or harassment of them, because of their race, color, condition of life or religion.” (That too is worth repeating!) Wow again! We have come a long, long way, haven't we? It was because of that Vatican II Document that we were able to start the Cathedral Heritage Foundation, now called the Center for Interfaith Relations, which is still functioning around our Cathedral downtown for almost 50 years now! 

Would that we would all dedicate ourselves to living what the passage today from the Gospel of Matthew tells us and what the Church clearly teaches us in our relations with other peoples and their religions!  Yes, indeed, we have come a long way, but we still have a long way to go!  Let us especially reject those loud screeching voices today who want to take us back to the way things used to be - from the tolerance and ecumenism of today to the intolerance and religious bigotry of yesterday! I don't know about you, but I'm certainly not going back to those days! 

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In case you did not see it the other day, here is a little video to prove what "crossing boundaries" can do to help heal Christian/Muslim conflicts in one place on the other side of the world. Catholic and Muslim children singing together "We Are Happy Today" and giving a "thumbs up" sign when the new Catholic school that we have help build opened on July 30, 2026

                                                  expand the screen and turn up the volume to hear the singing

 

CHURCH CHAT #41

 

OLD ST. THERESA OF AVILA - MY BELOVED HOME PARISH

LEFT TO RIGHT

Old rectory (now Retreat House), rectory garage (now storage), Johnson Hall (parish hall), present church (dedicated in 1861), Gazebo (in honor of my parents), Family Life Center (old school).

PRESENT CHURCH INTERIOR TODAY

OUR HISTORY

St. Theresa of Avila Church in Rhodelia is the oldest Catholic church in Meade County, where Maryland Catholic settlers began arriving in the late 1700s. Traveling missionaries said Mass in the pioneers’ log homes (called stations). The first recorded visit was in 1805.

Devoted Catholics built a log church called St. Theresa in 1818 on the banks of the Ohio River in Breckinridge County. Local baptismal records start in 1824. The congregation relocated in 1826 to a more central site in Meade County, closer to most parishioners’ homes. There, they constructed a second log church, recalled by a large wooden cross in the “old cemetery.” Many baptisms, first communions, and confirmations are recorded from Bishop Benedict Joseph Flaget’s visit in 1827. St. Theresa’s congregation was the largest in Meade and Hardin counties when Father Charles Ignatius Coomes was assigned to these missions in 1830. Here he located his headquarters, becoming the first resident pastor.

Parishioners supplied materials and labor, constructing the present church under the direction of William Kelly, architect of the Cathedral of the Assumption. In use by summer 1857, it was dedicated June 16, 1861 by Bishop Martin John Spalding. The parish added the “new cemetery,” a parish hall, the present rectory, and a new school in the twentieth century.

St. Theresa Academy opened as a boarding and day school in 1866. The Sisters of Loretto, the first teachers, were succeeded in 1870 by the Sisters of Charity of Nazareth. (Old St. Theresa Academy below where Father Bob Ray and myself attended our first couple of grades)

Though the Meade County Board of Education took it over in the 1950s, the Sisters of Charity continued teaching at the school until it closed in 1993. By that time, St. Theresa had educated our children for more than 125 years. St. Theresa/Cross Roads School when it closed in 1993 below. 

New Family Life Center With New Porch and Central Entrance

Today, the parishioners of St. Theresa, numbering about 500, share much common history and, like their ancestors, a strong sense of ownership for their parish.

My brother, Mark, had these cards made to give out to those who came

to the annual St. Theresa Picnic on August 8, as a sign that their

support was very much appreciated. 

AMAZING FACT: A NEW YOU EVERY FIVE YEARS OR SO!

I have been proud to say that I have tried to re-invent myself every few years as my work situation changes over time and I take on something new. I would say I have done it at least 10 times so far - and at least three times since I have retired in 2015. 

What I didn't know is the fact that every five years or so I get a new body to go with it! Here is a detail about my physical body that I heard a long time ago, but did not realize how often it happens! Here is an amazing fact I read about on a health and wellness website on the internet the other day. 

"Every five years or so, the human body basically does a Ship of Theseus. That is to say, within that time, every single cell in your body is replaced with new cells. So you are not the person you were seven years ago. You have all the same memories, scars, and you have the same DNA, but you are made up of completely different body parts."

The only problem with that fact is that I may have completely different body parts, one cell at a time, but my body keeps looking older and older, not to mention, weaker and weaker!