MY BROTHER, GARY, HAS DIED
Gary and Linda have four children: Lisa, Diane, Wesley and Danny. With their spouses, those four gave Gary and Linda nine grandchildren: Derek, Tasha, Tiffany, Kari, Lawrence, Wesley Kyle, Corey, Haley and Dylan. Gary and Linda have nine great grandchildren and one on the way, as well as a host of extended family members, friends, neighbors and fellow parishioners - some living and some deceased. To all of you and all of them, welcome today, as we give Gary back to God who gave him to us!
Joining you today, are Gary’s siblings: his two brothers, me and Mark, and his four sisters: Brenda, Lois, Nancy and Kaye who has already passed on. Altogether, we have twenty nieces and nephews. Just a year apart, Brenda, Gary and I, especially, grew up together. Lois, Nancy and Kaye were babies and young girls in my memories so I don’t have as many shared growing-up experiences. Mark was born after I had been in the seminary for several years. Brenda and I, as well as Gary and me, shared many childhood experiences, while Mark had some very different childhood experiences of his own - mostly a work relationship with Gary. I remember Gary’s and Linda’s family more when they were young (Diane and Lisa, Wesley and Danny) especially during those years when Gary, Mark and I used to host our annual “Uncle Parties” after Christmas. Gary’s and Linda’s grandchildren and great grandchildren I barely know because of my assignments as a priest, especially when I was stationed down in southern and central Kentucky. To make up for me being my niece’s and nephew’s “missing uncle,” I am still sending Gary’s four kids, and their mother Linda, a birthday card every year, as far back as I can remember, as a way of staying connected.
Because of mine and Gary’s shared experiences of growing up, and Mark’s more recently, my mind immediately went to the gospel parable of the Loving Father (sometimes mis-named “the Prodigal Son”) that Deacon Greg just read - only in reverse. My experience was more like the younger son in the story and Gary’s and Mark’s experiences are more like the older son. In the story, one son leaves home to experience the world while the other son stayed home to pick up the slack left by the other son.
It certainly took courage for me to leave home at age fourteen, but it also took courage for Gary to stay home at thirteen and Mark who is still there! There were blessings that came to me for leaving and blessings that came to Gary and Mark for staying close to home.
To be honest, we gradually grew apart, and like the two sons in the gospel, we probably had a few little aggravations about each other. Me, knowing that Dad obviously related to Gary and Mark more than me, and Gary and Mark knowing that I had more freedom than them. Growing up, it was obvious to everyone that Gary was the handsome one and I was the homely one and that Mark was a cute little boy, much more so than I had ever been at that age! In the big picture, all small stuff, really!
I am sure they both resented the fuss made over me as a priest for being so visible in the newspapers and constantly being talked about by people to whom I have ministered. I was like the younger son in the gospel who was always coming home to some kind of special fanfare and celebrations. I know that resentment to be true, especially, when Mark recently gave me a funny, but somewhat sarcastic, plaque and a tee shirt that says, “Father Wonderful!” I knew it to be true also when Kaye, who died a few years ago, once said about me, “I am so tired of being introduced as Father Knott’s sister – as if I don’t have a name of my own!”
I have always loved my sisters (Brenda, Lois, Nancy and Kaye), but Brenda, just a year older than me, had the greatest impact on my life, both when we were growing up next to the Rhodelia store, and especially when she and Paul took me in when I left home a second time and stopped coming home during the summers when I was still in the seminary so as to take jobs to support myself during my late seminary years.
I have some good memories of Nancy, always the one with the compassionate heart for other people’s hurts and the one who hosted many of our family Christmas “home Masses” and dinners. My favorite memory of Lois, during the time when I got to know her best, was when we were co-executors of Dad’s estate. One day, we went into one of the banks to do some of our required business. When we went in, Lois introduced us this way. “Good morning! We are Mr. Knott co-dependents!” Of course, she meant to say, “co-executors!” We still laugh about that day because there is always a little truth in humor!
One of the best parts of today’s gospel parable is the part about the reconciliation between the father and the son who left home. Like more families than you know, our family has some of our own reconciliation stories. Happily, and Gary was so proud of it, today all of us in the family are now reconciled with one another – me and Dad, Mark and Gary, Gary and Linda - just to name a few.
Before this starts sounding like another TV episode of the Waltons, let me say that the gospel parable that was read today is not really about the Knott family, even though I tried to fit it into our family, but more so about how God loves all of us here today no matter what - no if, ands or buts about it! As another part of the Gospel of Matthew says, “God makes his sun shine on the bad and the good and causes his rain to fall on the just and the unjust!”
In today’s parable, the father loved both of his sons (meaning all of us, of course) whether we leave home, whether we stray and get in trouble, whether we stay home and follow all the rules and even whether we get jealous of one another sometimes! (Chasing pigs, on the farm behind this church and behind our house in Rhodelia, was a sore spot for both Gary and me, so I won’t even mention the pigs in today’s parable!) This beautiful parable is really about God’s unconditional love and the importance of reconciliation among parents, siblings, relatives, neighbors – and, yes, even with our enemies!
With that said, let me speak directly to Gary’s family as well as all of you here today. As a priest, I know from fifty-five years of ministry that our families are not exceptional. Grudges, hurts, disappointments and misunderstandings are rampant in families - always have been and always will be! I have never met a family free of such problems.
Finally, let me tell you just a few things I have learned about forgiveness. (1) Taking offense can be just as bad as giving offense. Instead of forgiving my father for his faults, I sometimes fell into petty little attempts at paybacks which ended up eating me alive. (2) People tend to pass on what they know and what they learned from their families unless someone in the family decides to put a stop to it and takes the high road! (3) It took me three trips down home before I was able to sit down with my dad, even after I decided to try being reconciled. It was both the hardest and the most freeing thing I ever did in my life! Even at that, it was more of a favor I did for myself than it was a favor to him! Before I left that night, I gave him a hug, maybe for the first time in my life! I have had no hard feelings since. I am at peace and so is he! (4) It is hard to be the bigger person in such reconciliations, but I can tell you, that if you go into it “speaking the truth with love,” it will be easier than you thought and you will be doing yourself the biggest favor of your life! (5) Do it! Do it now! Do it before it is too late! If you can’t, do not even dare to pray the Our Father ever again until you do, because in that prayer you actually ask God “to forgive you - as you forgive those who trespass against you!”
In closing, I am very sad today to lose another one of my dear siblings – first Kaye and now Gary! I also know that Gary’s family is just as sad – maybe even more so! As far as I know, Gary and I never had any real issues with each other. We just gradually drifted apart. In fact, before I even heard about his diagnosis, one of my New Year’s Resolutions for 2026, that I recorded in my journal back in late November, was to call Gary more often! I remember calling him back in November. When I hung up, I saw that we had talked for over forty minutes – the longest time since we were kids! Near the very end, we got to tell one another that we loved each other and that we were proud of each other. I got to anoint him and bless the rosary Nancy gave him. Lois got to drink coffee with him regularly and take him communion. At the end, we gave each other a hug, we apologized to each other for drifting apart a bit, we celebrated together the fact that his ending would be short and hopefully pain-free - and best of all, we got to give each other a goodbye hug. I got a good picture with him on my cellphone before I left. I am sure his family got to do the same! As, has happened so many times in my life, several good things have already come out of this bad situation!
Last Saturday night, I was reading about the first 15 year old “video gamer” saint who was canonized just last September – St. Carlo Acutis. Like Gary, St. Carlo died of an aggressive form of Leukemia back in 2006. After his diagnosis, he only lived about two weeks – Gary about five weeks! I was amazed at how many of the things Gary said to me sounded very much like what St. Carlo said to his family and friends. Here is just one of the things Gary told me – sometimes several times. “I feel good and I feel lucky. I am not afraid. I am not trying to impress people. These are my true feelings. I think I am reconciled with everybody I know. My goal now is to get to heaven. Nothing else matters. I used to worry about going to heaven, but not anymore since you anointed me and gave me absolution!” Later, I called him back and asked him ten questions in all and I made sure I wrote his words down as we talked on the phone. I will treasure them for sure!
Gary! Rest in peace, dear brother! Rest
in peace, Dad, Grandad and great Grandad! Rest in peace, dear friend, fellow parishioner
and neighbor! We are all going to miss you! May the angels welcome you
to paradise! Know that we will love you and remember you always! From your
place in heaven, please pray for all those of us who remain. Pray that we will be
able to handle our departure from this life half as well as you did! You have
inspired us all!
