FORGIVENESS, MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, IS A FAMILY ISSUE

A man had two sons. He said to the older son, “You have been here with me the whole time, but now we must celebrate and rejoice because your brother was lost and has been found.

Luke 15:11-32

I believe with all my heart that if the whole Bible were to be lost except this one story, it would be enough! This parable is really a short play, narrated by Jesus as a parable, that teaches us in the clearest way possible just how much God loves each and every one of us – no matter what! He loves us without condition, no matter how far we stray or how faithful we stay! To me it teaches us that nothing can separate us from the love of Christ as St. Paul’s Letter to the Romans will tell us in this coming Sunday’s second reading.

This parable is about God and his relationship to us. God plays the role of the father. We, when we sin and fall short in our relationship to God, we play the role of the younger son. We, when we follow all of God’s rules and end up smug and withholding and jealous, we play the role of the older son. The only hero in this play is God. Both sons fell short in their relationship with God: the younger son who asked for his inheritance before his father even died and then wasted it on prostitutes, got down with the pigs and had to come crawling home and the older son who withheld forgiveness from his brother and refused to celebrate their father’s love for both of them, no matter what they did or did not do! The younger son represents us when we fixate on our freedom without responsibility and the older son represents us when we fixate on our responsibility without freedom.

The famous 17^th century Dutch painter, Rembrant, tells this story beautifully in his famous painting “The Return of the Prodigal Son.” He pictures the younger son kneeling like a servant, ragged, barefooted, humiliated and hoping to get a menial job in his father’s house as a servant. The older son is standing, with his arms crossed glaring in disgust, judgment, resentment and pride. The father, who had run to meet his youngest son and did not give him time to deliver his well-rehearsed apology, embraces him tenderly. Rembrant adds a tender touch to the scene. The father’s hands on the younger son’s shoulders are very interesting. One hand is large and more masculine and the other hand is smaller and more feminine. The father’s hands represents God’s masculine attributes and God’s feminine attributes!

Both the parable of Jesus and the painting of the artist Rembrant tell a moving, memorable and educational story about God’s forgiveness and unconditional love. It is worthy of our study, consideration and imitation. This beautiful parable is really about God’s unconditional love and the importance of reconciliation in families and communities - among parents, siblings, relatives, neighbors – and, yes, even with our enemies!

With that said, let me speak directly to all of the families reading this post today. In the last couple of weeks we have been focusing on the importance of forgiveness, especially in our Sunday readings. As a priest, I know from fifty-six years of ministry that your family and mine are not exceptional. Grudges, hurts, disappointments and misunderstandings are rampant in families - always have been and always will be! I have never met a family free of such problems. 

Wherever we are in this gospel parable, know that God loves us no matter what we have done or failed to do. He loves us no matter where we end up on the scale between our wanting our own personal freedom and our responsibility to our families. With God, we are always welcome home! With God, we have always been loved and we will always be loved! With God, there is always a welcome home party waiting for us! 

OUR PROBLEMS ARE BIGGER THAN MORE PARISH CLOSINGS

 

As he was setting out on a journey, a man ran up, knelt down before him, and asked him, “Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” Jesus answered him, “You know the commandments: ‘You shall not kill; you shall not commit adultery; you shall not steal; you shall not bear false witness; you shall not defraud; honor your father and your mother.’” He replied and said to him, “Teacher, all of these I have observed from my youth.” Jesus, looking at him, loved him and said to him, “You are lacking in one thing. Go, sell what you have, and give to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.” At that statement his face fell, and he went away sad, for he had many possessions.

Mark 10:17-22

We hear a lot about the "shortage of priests" and more than a couple of popular "solutions" about how to solve it. The most common solutions being proposed are, of course, to "ordain women priests" and "let priests marry." From what I hear, both Protestants and Jews, have the same "shortages" while they have both women ministers and rabbis and married ministers and rabbis. Allowing more married priests and ordaining women in the Catholic church, in theory, might help relieve the shortage of priests in the short run, but I still don't believe it will be that hoped-for "magic solution" for our shortage in the long run. 

For me, our problem is not as much a battle between ordaining men or women, married or celibate, but a bigger cultural problem stemming from the shortage of young people being attracted to "service professions" in general. For example, we also have a shortage of nurses, social workers and teachers who tend to be lower on the wage scale. Our biggest problem may be the fact that we have fewer and fewer people, like the rich young man in the Scripture quote above, who are willing to move beyond the dream of "personal security" to serving the needs of the "common good" - as in "doing something great for God!" 

In the meantime, most schools, including some of our Catholic schools, have guidance counselors who keep asking the young, who are very much immersed in the present day culture, "what do you want to be when you grow up" rather than "what is God calling you to be when you grow up?" 

In a world where "making big money" is such an expanding and exploding value, why would anyone want to spend years being trained to be a priest, nurse, social worker or teacher, with their expensive advanced degrees, and then spend the rest of their lives serving other people, and often the least among us, for long hours and for such a minimal salary? Fundamentally, at its core, our shortages seem to me to be more of a question of "values." 

The accumulation of wealth is like drinking salt water, the more you drink the more you want to drink! The accumulation of wealth does give you the ability to make even more money. For an obvious symptom of our appetite for wealth, look no further than the growth of online gambling and the expanding sale of lottery tickets. Even for the growing number of the super rich, "too much" is still "not enough!" 

Our Church is losing the "values war" because of its expanding "spiritual leadership crisis." When we lost our power to force people to do what we say, we have not been able to replace it with an ability to convince people of the value of what we have to say. Having failed at convincing people, some among us naively dream of a return to our old methods of forcing people which is most certainly doomed to failure.   

The values of "the common good" and "my own personal good" are at war in our culture and "my own personal good" is winning by overpowering the values of "the common good." Such values are having a dramatic negative impact all the way down to things like "parish closures."

Here's a thought - just a thought! What I imagine will eventually happen in our "priest shortage crisis" is that we will shortly be forced to return to the "frontier days" of our own diocese when lay people led our parishes and priests moved around from community to community celebrating the Sacraments! To prepare for that eventuality, our Archdiocese could help establish an advanced degree program in Parish Administration for lay men or women at one of our local Catholic Universities (and maybe even partner with programs at St. Meinrad School of Theology) and prepare ourselves for the eventuality of paying them a living wage. To me this makes more sense than closing active parishes because of a "priest shortage."  

Seminaries would need to be challenged to adjust their training program to fit this new reality. Young priests and deacons, then, could be encouraged to focus more on developing a passion for expanding their "spiritual leadership" skills that would ideally lead to opening more parishes, rather than having to close more of those that we do have! 

Whatever happens, I still believe (and I have preached about it regularly) that "good" will eventually triumph over "evil" - in the end, when all is said and done! However, it's what happens between "now" and "then" that worries me! I suppose the best part of being 82, heading toward 83, is that I won't have to wait that long for "when all is said and done!" 

Don't bother trying to punish me! I'm retired! I'm just simply offering a few ideas of my own and hoping to encourage others to offer their ideas! As I have said several times before, "Our lack of imagination is our biggest shortage!" 

FORGIVENESS UNLIMITED

Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how often must I forgive?

As many as seven times? Jesus answered Peter, “I

say to you, not seven times but seventy times seven times”

Matthew 18:21-35

This Sunday, for the second Sunday in a row, we are asked to consider forgiveness - not only for what we have done, but also for what we have failed to do - and that includes not forgiving each other! As I mentioned in last week’s homily, I read that Amazon.com lists over 160,000 books on the topic of forgiveness. That’s 32,000 more than books on sexuality. That alone should tell us what the human heart hungers for most and why the Church considers it so important to preach about!

Like the cartoon character Charlie Brown himself, good old Saint Peter craves affirmation. Like a needy little puppy looking for a pat on the head, Saint Peter is always on the look-out for ways to impress Jesus. No matter how hard he tries, he seems to keep missing the mark over and over again. You have to love this big klutz with a soft heart!

The stories of Saint Peter embarrassing himself are numerous, but the one we have today is typical. Jesus had just told his disciples that they must forgive one another. When Jesus finishes speaking, imagining that another chance to impress Jesus has presented itself, good old Saint Peter springs into action. Peter knows well that the rabbis had always taught that people needed to forgive three times. Peter gets out his little mental adding machine and multiplies three by two and adds one for good measure. Then he asks his question and answers it at the same time. “How many times must we forgive? Seven times?” He obviously expected Jesus to say, “Wow, Peter, how generous you are! You are better than the best! Seven times is way beyond the call of duty!” You can almost see his big eager grin melt like wax when Jesus told him to forgive, not three, not even seven times, but seventy-times seven times. In that culture, that was a way of saying – “forgive without even counting the times!”

The first mistake people make when it comes to forgiveness is thinking forgiveness is for the benefit of the offending party - that forgiving them requires that we let the ones who hurt us off the hook!  To be honest, it is the other way around! Forgiveness of others is actually a gift we give ourselves. It lets us off the hook! Think about it! Grudges consume vast amounts of time and energy: the incessant mental energy of rehearsing it over and over in our minds, the regular bad feelings it keeps generating for us in the constant retelling of it to anyone who will listen. We all know people who constantly bring up their festering grudges and we have to stand there and let them drag us through their “bag of stinking grudges” again and again and again!  Let’s all forgive so that we can make sure that we are not one of those people who drags a stinking bag of grudges around with us and makes sure everybody hears about it!  

While we are working so hard dragging around our grudges, the offending person is probably not even aware of the punishment we are inflicting on ourselves. As the comedian Buddy Hackett put it, “Don’t carry a grudge. While you are carrying the grudge, the other guy’s out dancing.”  Again, as Mark Twain so wisely said, “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”

“In the long run, it’s not a question of whether they deserve to be forgiven. You’re not forgiving them for their sake anyway! You’re doing it for your own sake! For your own health and well-being, forgiveness is simply the most energy-efficient option. Muster that heart power to forgive them and see it as a way of looking out for yourself! Forgiveness releases you from the punishment of a self-made prison where you are both the inmate and the jailer. Forgiveness releases you from the incredibly toxic, debilitating drain of holding a grudge. Don’t let people who have offended you live rent-free in your head and keep you up at night! If they hurt you before, why let them keep doing it, year after year, in your mind? Forgiving, even seventy times seven times, is actually a favor you do for yourself! Think about it! Forgiveness is a perfect way to keep rotting garbage from piling up in your own mind and heart!

The second reason to forgive is also for your own good – so that God will forgive you! The Book of Sirach, our first reading today, lays it out quite clearly. “Forgive your neighbor’s injustice; then when you pray, your own sins will be forgiven. Could anyone nourish anger against another and expect healing from the Lord?” Jesus put it this way, “Forgive and you will be forgiven. The measure you measure with, will be measured back to you.” Holding a grudge is a dangerous, as well as a self-defeating, thing to do to oneself!

In short, grudges are like cancers. They need to be stopped, cut out and removed before they kill us, emotionally and spiritually. As the first reading says, only a sinner “hugs them tight” and “nourishes them" in an insane need to be “right.” The need to be “right” is very expensive. The truth of the matter is that you can still be right, without you ever needing to convince the one who offended you that you are right! As the ancient Chinese philosopher put it, “One who truly believes in himself has not need to convince others!” Forgiving is ultimately “agreeing to disagree” and then letting it go for the good of you both!

How many old grudges are you carrying around in your mind and heart? Who do you refuse to forgive? Wouldn’t today be a good time to cut yourself free, emotionally and spiritually? Wouldn’t today be a good day to make up your mind to forgive whoever has wronged you! Do it today! Do it for your own good! Believe me, it could very well be the biggest step toward self-care that you will ever take!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"CHURCH CHAT #45

 

 

 

WEIRD FACTS - AN ON-AND-OFF HISTORY OF A BEARD

I grew my first beard while backpacking in Europe in the summer of 1972 on my first of five trips to Taize, France. It has since changed - both in color and shape. I have shaved it off only a couple of times over the last 54 years - only to let it grow back pretty soon in one form or another.  

I am not asking for a vote, but I do remember one very memorable moment when an elderly woman neighbor banged on my car window as I was backing out of my condo garage and said this to me right after I had just shaved it off the first time! "I like your look better when your beard is shaved off! You don't look like a criminal!" My mind raced for a response, but I decided to take the high road and answered politely, "Well, thank you for the compliment, my dear! I am always open to honest feed-back because I am not a criminal and I certainly don't want to be mistaken for one!"

                                                Passport photo 1972 for my first trip to Taize
                               

I came home from Europe with this beard and kept it for my 1974 passport photo. 

My 1980 passport photo during a lull in traveling when I decided on longer hair and a longer beard.

Here, I look like the infamous Russian monk and self-proclaimed mystic, Grigori Rasputin, who was close to the Russian royal family and was killed for his shenanigans. 

 

Rasputin 1869-1916

Partial beard and shorter hair in June 2012, while a staff member at St. Meinrad Seminary. I began to apply a little dye in those days because it was beginning to turn a bit gray.   

My 2015 Passport after retirement. To celebrate my retirement, and because the beard dye was not convincing, I shaved it off before working in the Caribbean Missions

Post Caribbean Missions, I grew back a full beard that I let turn white around 2019.

Short hair and partial beard again around July 2024 after starting to work in the African Missions 

 

Clean shaven again for my renewed 2026 Passport - just in case I change my mind about traveling again!

 

SHE FOCUSED ON LIFTING UP THIS WORLD'S UNDERDOGS

 1946 - 2026

I couldn't help posting my reactions to the death of Dolly Parton on August 25th. She was an amazing woman who just happened to be a country music singer, movie star and business person. She was known for her kindness, generosity and spirituality.  She was plain "good" and "good at" what she did!  

The reason I decided to write this post was the fact that my favorite song of hers is Coat of Many Colors - the lyrics of which I am printing below. As a person from humble country roots myself, I identify with this song in particular. It brings back a very, very vivid memory from when I was probably five years old, just one of two memories of being five years old. We too were poor in 1949, but didn't realize it. That summer, my mother made some home-made summer shorts for me and my brother from a worn-out pair of my father's kaki work pants. I got one leg of his old pants for my shorts and my year younger brother got the other leg for his shorts. I remember being so proud of wearing them! We had not started school yet, and everybody in Rhodelia back then was poor, so we didn't have to worry about being teased.   

COAT OF MANY COLORS

Back through the years I go wanderin' once again

Back to the seasons of my youth

I recall a box of rags that someone gave us

And how my momma put the rags to use

There were rags of many colors

But every piece was small

And I didn't have a coat

And it was way down in the fall

Momma sewed the rags together

Sewin' every piece with love

She made my coat of many colors

That I was so proud of

As she sewed, she told a story

From The Bible, she had read

About a coat of many colors

Joseph wore and then she said

"Perhaps this coat will bring you

Good luck and happiness"

And I just couldn't wait to wear it

And momma blessed it with a kiss

My coat of many colors

That my momma made for me

Made only from rags

But I wore it so proudly

Although we had no money

Oh, I was rich as I could be

In my coat of many colors

My momma made for me

So with patches on my britches

And holes in both my shoes

In my coat of many colors

I hurried off to school

Just to find the others laughing

And making fun of me

And my coat of many colors

My momma made for me

And oh I couldn't understand it

For I felt I was rich

And I told them of the love

My momma sewed in every stitch

And I told 'em all the story

Momma told me while she sewed

And how my coat of many colors

Was worth more than all their clothes

But they didn't understand it

And I tried to make them see

That one is only poor

Only if they choose to be

Now I know we had no money

But I was rich as I could be

In my coat of many colors

My momma made for me

Made just for me

Dolly Parton had several Jesus-like qualities without drawing attention to them, as if they were "second-nature." She was genuine, honest, real, true, original and credible. Like Jesus in the gospels, she focused her energy and locked in on lifting up "underdogs" like herself. In her songs, she encouraged the "looked-down on" and "the left-out" and modeled for them to see that they, too, could become more than they, or anyone around them, ever expected! 

Obviously, I am not as talented as she was, and certainly not as successful, but I too came from a humble background, have always focused on underdogs like myself in my ministry, always given credit to where I came from and  continuously tried to "re-invent" myself!  In fact, that is precisely why I have always admired her for "reinventing" herself so often. I have passionately tried to "re-invent" myself several times over the years. In doing that, both of us have had to overcome doubt, criticism and the temptation to back off and give up. We have both had to muster the courage to resist the temptation to believe that "life is something that happens to you and all you can do is to make the most of it" and choose to operate rather out of the belief that "life is about creating yourself - over and over again" as long as possible!  

She was a model to me to always pray for the courage to be authentic, to be proud of where I came from, to develop imaginative ways for telling that story and to be responsible for a personal, but wise, outreach to those who need a helping hand (in my case the mission areas here in southern Kentucky, in the Caribbean, in two east African countries and my home parish.).  She lived two of my favorite Scripture passages: "Give and gifts will be given to you; a good measure, packed together, shaken down, and overflowing, will be poured into your lap. For the measure with which you measure will be in turn be measured out to you." (Luke 6:38)  "Much will be required of the person entrusted with much, and still more will be demanded of the person entrusted with more." (Luke 12:48) 

May Dolly Parton rest in peace! I am convinced that God is going to be especially good to her since she was especially good to his people, especially those who lived on the margins!