Conduct your affairs with humility,
and you will be loved more than a giver of gifts.
Humble yourself the more, the greater you are,
and you will find favor with God.
Sirach 3:17-18
For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled,
but the one who humbles himself will be exalted."
Luke 14
As we said in the Confiteor today, we can sin in two ways – by what we do and what we fail to do. We can sin by excessively over-inflating our worth, by thinking too highly of ourselves, but we can also sin by devaluating ourselves, by thinking too little of ourselves.
Narcissism is the term used to describe excessive vanity and self-centeredness. The condition was named after a mythological Greek youth named Narcissus who became infatuated with his own reflection in a lake. He did not realize at first that it was his own reflection, but when he did, he died out of grief for having fallen in love with someone who did not exist outside himself.
Narcissistic personalities are characterized by unwarranted feelings of self-importance. They expect to be recognized as superior and special, without necessarily demonstrating superior accomplishments. They exhibit a sense of entitlement, demonstrate grandiosity in their beliefs and behaviors and display a strong need for admiration.
When narcissistic people talk about church attendance, they usually say things like “I don’t go because I don’t get anything out of it!” “I, I, I!” When they say things like that, they put themselves in the center of the picture. Church attendance is really about giving, not getting. We go to Church to give God worship and praise! We go to learn how to give to, and serve, others!
When narcissistic people talk about marriage, they talk about what it will do for them. People who marry successfully get married to be love-givers, not love-getters! As Jesus said, “It is in giving that one receives!” Receiving is not a goal, but a by-product, of both marriage and ordination.
When narcissistic young people talk about what to do with their lives, they ask themselves “what do I want to do or what do I want to be” that will make me happy? The real question is not what do I want to do, but what is God calling me to do and be” that will lead me to happiness? Jesus was right, “Those who seek to save their lives will lose them, while those who seek to give their lives away, will save them.” Albert Schweitzer was right when he said, and narcissistic people will never get it, “The only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found out how to serve.” Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was right when he said, “Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, “What are you doing for others?”
Pope Francis talks a lot about a “self-referential church,” in other words a narcissistic church. He says that when the Church does not look beyond itself, when it is always focused on itself, it gets sick. The Church is the moon and Christ the sun. The Church exists to reflect the light of Christ to the world, not to live within herself, of herself and for herself.
The other extreme to narcissism is self-deprecation or the minimization and devaluation of oneself. The first and last reading today is about humility, but what we were taught about humility may need to be reevaluated! Humility is about accepting the truth about who we are, without exaggerating it or minimizing it. “Humility” comes from the Latin “humus,” meaning “earth.” “Humility” means “grounded.” A truly “humble” person, truly in touch with his strengths and weaknesses, neither inflates his worth nor devalues it.
It is this truth that Jesus spent his ministry trying to teach. He taught it to the religious leaders of his day who were so arrogant and self-inflated that they started out talking about God and ended up thinking they were gods. He taught it to the marginalized of his day who were so beaten down that they did not recognize their own goodness and the image of God within themselves. As Mary said, "He pulls the might from their thrones and lifts up the lowly from their dung heaps."
God has entrusted gifts to us to be used! When we do not use our gifts, even deny we have them, we neither serve God nor the people we are called to serve. There is great responsibility that goes with being the light of the world and having talents! It scares us. We tend to shy away from it.
In that arena, the prophet Jonah is a patron saint. Jonah was called to preach to the people of Nineveh. He considered himself a poor preacher on one hand and the Ninevites not worth saving on the other. To get away from his unwelcomed call, he went down to the docks and bought a ticket on the next ship sailing in the opposite direction from Nineveh. He thought he could outrun God!
In his version of a get-away-car, Jonah is pictured going to sleep in the bottom of his boat while a storm raged, a symbol today of “denial.” The psychologist Abraham Maslow calls such spiritual and emotional truancy the Jonah Complex: “The evasion of one’s own growth, the setting of low levels of aspiration, the fear of doing what one is capable of doing, voluntary self-crippling, pseudo-stupidity, mock humility.”
The fact is, we are afraid of failure and success. A calling makes us wonder if we are good enough, smart enough, disciplined enough, educated enough, patient enough, and inspired enough. We manage our fear by “going to sleep,” “settling for too little” and “self-sabotage.” We both crave and fear becoming who we are called to be!
Thomas Merton was right, “The biggest human temptation is to settle for too little.” Maybe our biggest sin is not what we do, but what we fail to do! Michelangelo put it this way. “The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.”
Magnanimity and humility are the virtues specific to leaders. Magnanimity is the habit of striving for great things in oneself, reaching one’s full potential. Humility is the habit of serving others by bringing out their greatness, giving them the capacity to realize their human potential. Together they constitute the essence of leadership. In short, magnanimity and humility is about loving oneself and loving one's neighbor.
Magnanimity affirms our own individual personal dignity and greatness. It is the thirst to lead a full and intense life through passionate and enthusiastic action. The magnanimous person is one whose heart is set on achieving personal excellence because he considers himself worthy of doing great things. A self-doubting, insecure, self-hating, lazy and timid person will never be able to lead effectively in the world, in the church or in the family.
The other virtue essential to leadership is humility. Humility affirms the dignity and greatness of others. It is the thirst to love and sacrifice for the good of others. It is not about displays of personal power, but the empowerment of others. Humility is about authentic love. Authentic love is not about merely having warm feelings toward another. It is about offering them practical helpfulness in their growth as human beings.
For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled,
but the one who humbles himself will be exalted."
Luke 14
