USEFUL WISDOM FOR 2024 #41

 

 

 

 

ON THAT GREAT "ALL SAINTS DAY" - LET'S BE THERE WITH THEM!

  

 

We are all trav'ling in the footsteps

Of those that've gone before

We'll all be reunited

On that new and sunlit shore.

When the saints go marching in

When the saints go marching in

Lord, how I want be in that number

When the saints go marching in

And when the sun refuses to shine

When the sun refuses to shine

Lord, how I want to be in that number

When the saints go marching in

Oh when the saints go marching in

Oh when the saints go marching in

Lord, how I want to be in that number

Oh when the saints go marching in

And when the trumpet sounds its call

When the trumpet sounds its call

Lord, how I want to be in that number

When the trumpet sounds its call

When the saints marching in

When the saints go marching in

Lord, how I want to be in that number

When the saints go marching in

And some say that this world of trouble

Is the only one we'll ever see

But I'm waiting for that morning

When the new world is revealed

Oh when the new world is revealed

Oh when the new world is revealed

Lord, how I want to be in that number

When the new world is revealed. 

When the saints (oh when the saints) go marching in (go marching in)

When the saints go marching in (go marching in)

Lord, how I want (Lord, how I want) to be in that number (be in that number) 

When the saints go marching in.

HALLOWEEN HUMOR

                                                                                    

EVEN POPE FRANCIS CAN APPRECIATE A GOOD JOKE

 

“Remember this,” Pope Francis told 100 comedians in a special audience, “When you manage to bring intelligent smiles to the lips of even a single spectator, you also make God smile.”

June 14, 2024

The Pope Arrives in New York

Pope Francis arrives in New York and is picked up at the airport by a limousine. Being used to public transportation during his years in Buenos Aires, he looks at the limo and says to the driver, “You know, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you please allow me to?”

The driver hesitates and replies, “I’m really sorry, Your Holiness, but I really don’t think I’m supposed to let you do that.”

But Pope Francis won’t give up that easily, so he persists until the driver finally gives up. “All right, all right. I guess one can’t really say no to the pope.”

So the pope takes the wheel and hits the gas, making it around 80 mph in a 40-mph zone. It doesn’t take long until he gets pulled over on Interstate 278.

The young officer walks to the car and as the pope rolls down the window, he really doesn’t know what to do. Surprised, he asks the pope to wait for a bit as he goes back to his patrol car and radios the chief.

Cop: Chief … I think I have a problem.

Chief: What kind of a problem is that?

Cop: Well … I pulled over this guy for driving over the speed limit but … I mean, he’s like really important.

Chief: Whaddaya mean important? Important like … the mayor?

Cop: Oh, no … way more important than the mayor.

Chief: Wha … the governor?

Cop: Wayyyyyy more.

Chief: The president?

Cop: No. I’m talking way more than that.

Chief: Who could be any more important than the president?

Cop: I mean, I really don’t know, Chief, but he’s got the pope driving for him!

_____________________

The Queen Takes the Pope on a Carriage Ride Around London

Suddenly one of the horses farts very loudly.

“Oh my goodness, I am so terribly sorry!” apologizes the embarrassed Queen.

“Oh don't worry about it" the Pope replied "If you hadn't said anything, I would have just thought it was one of the horses!"

                                            ____________________________________



President Biden invites the Pope to lunch on a boat. 

The Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the pontiff's hat off, right into the water. It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place.

The crew and the Secret Service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Biden waved them off, saying, "Never mind boys, I'll get it."

Then Biden climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat and picked it up, walked back on the water, climbed into the yacht, and handed the Pope his hat.

The crew was speechless. The security team and the Pope's entourage were speechless. No one knew what to say, not even the Pope.

But that afternoon, FOX, ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN reported:

"BIDEN CAN'T SWIM"

                                   _________________________________________



So the Pope goes down into a deep vault below the Vatican, where they keep the most ancient sacred texts.

Scholarly priests spend decades examining these handwritten scrolls for translation errors. The Pope finds one of them hard at work and asks if he has found anything.

"Why yes, your Excellency. Look here, where we have always thought it said 'smite', but there's an 'R' there, it clearly says 'smart'". "Fantastic! How long did it take you to find that?" asks the Pope.
"Ten years."

The Pontiff finds another scholar at work, and asks how it is going.
"Here, Excellency, you see we always thought it said 'bead', but there's an 'R', it clearly says 'bread."
"Wonderful! And how long did you take to find that?" "20 years." answered the Priest.

The Pope comes across another guy. The fellow is tearing out his hair, ripping up his robes, and beating himself over the head with one of the fragile tomes. "There's an 'R'! There's an 'R'!" he exclaims. "30 years, I've been down here, and there's an 'R'!"  The Pope grabs the guy by the shoulders and tries to calm him down. "My son! I can see you are upset by what you've found but it can't be all that bad. What is it?"
"All this time we thought it said 'celibate'!"

HOW BADLY DO YOU WANT WHAT YOU WANT?

 

He shouted even louder, “I want to see!”

Mark 10:51

I absolutely love this man named Bartimeus! He is a man who knows what he wants and is willing to jump any hurdles in his way to get at it! No wimpishly sitting back and wishing and waiting and whining for what he needs, he is willing to do whatever it takes to get what he needs! No hoping to be noticed! He makes sure he is noticed! Nobody’s “sit down and shut up” is going to stop him! For him it’s “jump up, shout and be sure you’re heard.” He was tired of being blind. He desperately wanted to see! He had a burning faith in Jesus and he would not be held back either by his own cowardly reluctance or the immense obstacles others throw in front of him!

It is important to notice the words of Jesus here! These same words are often used in the miracle stories of the gospels. Jesus does not say, “Go! I have healed you!” Rather he says to Bartimeus, “Go your faith has healed you!” In fact, there are failed healing stories in the gospel where Jesus could not work any miracles because of a person’s lack of faith.  It takes two for a miracle healing – the power of God and the faith of the one who asks for healing.

The one necessary ingredient, then, in all healing miracles is the strong belief that healing is possible. This strong faith triggers an abnormal acceleration of natural healing processes. This is true of all the healing shrines in all religions – it is the firm faith of the believer that unleashes God’s healing power.

Bartimeus can teach us something. Psalm 119 says, “God hates half-heartedness!” Very often we are ambivalent about what we say we want. Often, we hang onto our infirmities and losses because they give us convenient excuses for not getting on in life and doing the hard things involved in making it work. We say we want things to be different, but in reality, we are not so sure! Often, we actually do not want things to change all that much.

I am sure Batimeus thought twice about whether he really wanted to see because he knew that when he was able to see he had to quit feeling sorry for himself, he had to give up depending on alms as a beggar and had to get a job for the first time in his life!

Some people wallow in grief for years over the loss of a spouse and feel that they cannot go on. They say they would like to get over it, but sometimes in reality, they are scared of having to do the changing they would have to do to build a new life, another life, a scary new life on their own! It’s often safer to stay stuck than to change! Many unhappy people that I run into as a priest will say they want their lives to be different, but in reality they really don’t want it all that much! In truth, it’s easier for them to to stay stuck! Bartimeus could teach them a lot today about getting up from their self-pity and get on with living! Yes, it is damned hard to move past grief, but the alternatives to moving on end up being even harder!

Miracles are possible in our lives, but miracles are different from magic! Magic is about sitting around wishing somebody else would make things happen to make us all better. Magic is waiting for a fairy godmother to come and wave her magic wand over us so we don’t have to do anything. For a miracle to happen, like Bartimeus, we have to get up, throw away the security blankets that we have wrapped ourselves in and be clear about what we want and be willing to go get it! We have to override the naysayer in our own heads and the naysayers who line to roads of our life. Wishing and magic waits for others to fix us. Really wanting something makes us take action. God is willing to help those who are willing to help themselves.  Yes, we need to help the helpless, but we also need to encourage those who can help themselves to help themselves!

Friends! We can begin to work miracles in own lives by really wanting something different and really believing that what we want is possible, like Bartimeus. As Dale Carnegie once wrote, “Believe that you will succeed…believe it firmly and you will do what is necessary to bring it to success.”  Jesus it put it this way to Bartimeus, “Your faith has healed you!”

Bartimeus’ challenge for us today is to grab the bull by the horns and take responsibility for ourselves and our futures. To do that we must be able to stand up to whatever part of a lazy coward that might live within us and discipline ourselves to do hard things for our own good. This challenge can best be summed up in four of my favorite quotes. The first two are from George Bernard Shaw. I use them all the time. The reason I like them is they challenge a common belief that was popular when I was growing up and a belief that I see lived out around me each and every day. That belief is that "life is something that happens to you and all you can do is make the most of it.” This belief creates "victims" who are always blaming others for their condition or refusing to do the hard things necessary to find a way out of their debilitating situation.     

Shaw challenges that belief, first of all, when he said, "This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy." In another place, Shaw said it more succinctly. "Life," he said, "is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

Pope John Paul II agreed when he said, "All formation is ultimately self-formation." Bob Dylan had his own way of saying it when he sang, "If you are not busy being born, you are busy dying."

Fellow Catholics, again Bartimeus’ challenge to all of us is to grab the bull by the horns and take responsibility for ourselves and the life we want. Bartimeus tells us not to go through life complaining from the back seat. Bartimeus tells us to get behind the wheel and do something about what we don’t like in our lives and quit whining from the back seat!

What would you like to change in your life? How much time do you spend thinking about how much you dislike it and whining about it to other people who will listen? If you want something to change in your life, say it with Bartimeus, and say it with conviction, "I want to see!" Let's hear it! What do you want? "I want to see!"