"YOU JUST CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP" 2025 #18

 

VALID, BUT IRREGULAR AND A LITTLE STRANGE

There are seven Sacraments in the Catholic Church: Baptism, Confirmation, Holy Eucharist, Reconciliation, Anointing of the Sick, Holy Orders and Marriage. I have received five of the seven, with the exception of Anointing of the Sick and Marriage. The fact that I haven't personally received two of the seven, doesn't not preclude that I have not been involved in some strange happenings connected the them. I have also had some interesting issues with the five I have received. 

First of all, I was baptized by my grandmother, not a priest or deacon. I was born April 28, 1944, at home, and delivered by my grandmother who was a country midwife. In danger of death, she knew what to do. She baptized me right there in the bed I was born in. I am told, they took me to church, after I stabilized, not to be re-baptized, but to receive the other ceremonies of the church. 

The noisiest baptism I have ever done was the one I did for one of my wonderful nieces. I remember her screaming at the top of her lungs from beginning to end! Thank God it wasn't done during Mass! I remember cutting things out, reading the prayers as fast as I could and trying to stay focused throughout her screaming tantrum. At one point, I actually thought that an exorcism might have been more appropriate!   

My first experience of the Sacrament of Reconciliation (called Confession at that time) also had its weirdness. For some reason, I missed "the practice" that Sister Mary Ancilla had for those of us who would be going into the confessional for the first time. When my turn came to "go in," I went in, but I could not see anything in front of me but a wall. I was so little that I could not see over the shelf where adults leaned their elbows to whisper their confession through a grill when the priest open the little door. I could hear the priest say, "OK," but I could not see any "little door" so I remained silent. The priest turned to the other side and came back in a few minutes. I could hear him say "OK," but I could still not see any "little " so I remained silent again. The next time he came back and said, "OK," I knew I had to do something - anything! I looked down and say a radiator pipe along the floor with the faint glimmer of light around where it was coming so I got down on my hands and knees and whispered my confession through the hole where the light was coming from! I thought it was odd, but I did not realize my mistake until I came out and the other kids told me about the "little door" above my head! 

I remember my First Communion vividly, from what I wore, exactly where I knelt to receive it and what I worried about getting ready. At age 7 exactly, we rehearsed and practiced for weeks. First Communion was a "big deal." I wore a white suit, starched stiff as cardboard, that had been passed from family to family for years. You only wore it once. Where else would a seven year old wear a white suit in those days? Even today, with the communion rail gone, I can point to the very spot where I received my First Communion. It was right in front of today's pulpit, which I now believe was a "sign" of what I would be the rest of my life - a preacher! In those days, fasting from food and drink, even water, was required before goin to communion. If a drop of water or a crumb of food touched my mouth, even accidently, I would have been disqualified from the First Communion group, until the next Sunday when I would have to receive it all alone - and tragically maybe without my white suit and all the fanfare! 

Confirmation was received when I was in the seventh grade. I was "confirmed" by Auxiliary Bishop Charles G. Maloney. I have very few memories about this Sacrament, except the Bishop sitting in a chair on the top steps in front of the tabernacle. Confirmation involved an anointing on the forehead, but what we were all concerned about was the ceremonial tap on the check, that was inflated in our minds as a "slap" on the cheek! We were worried that the Bishop would "slap the____out of us!"  We were used to being slapped, but not from a Bishop! The reality did not meet our expectations. 

The next Sacrament I would receive would be Holy Orders. I spent 12 years in the seminary, but the preparation for receiving that Sacrament didn't start getting serious until four years out! Back then, there were several "steps" or "minor orders" on the way to priesthood: Tonsure, Porter, Lector, Exorcist, Acolyte, Subdeacon, Deacon and finally Priest. All of these steps involved a Bishop to perform them! 

TONSURE was a ceremonial haircut of sorts. The Benedictine monks had a complete haircut, leaving only a small band of hair around the head like a crown of thorns. Those of us studying to be "diocesan priests" only got snippets cut out of our hair that could easily be repaired at our next haircut. However, in my day, the day when long hair was gaining popularity in the 1960s, the Archbishop of Indianapolis (who hated long hair) would take deep cuts out of long hair, forcing the recipient to get a "good haircut" almost immediately. 

PORTER. A "Porter" was not much more than becoming a glorified church "gate keeper" and "bell ringer."  One by one, we lined up as part of that ceremony to turn a key in a door and pull the rope to ring the monastery bell once. 

LECTOR. A "Lector" was not as important as it is today. Back then, a Lector could not read at Mass, but only one of the "lessons" of seven "hours" of the Divine Office (the priest's prayer book). 

EXORCIST. Becoming an "Exorcist"  was required of all of us studying to be priests, but we were warned not to try to use it! These days, very few priests are deputed by their bishop to perform an outright bona fide exorcism. Yes, I am still an ordained Exorcist, but I hope never to be called on to perform that rite! 

ACOLYTE. Technically, an "Acolyte" was and is anyone who helped the priest, subdeacon or deacon at mass. 

SUBDEACON. The "Subdeacon's" main liturgical charge was to chant the Epistle at Solemn High Masses. This was the first time we were required to wear a fancy vestment, usually matching the deacon and the priest, but in a different shape. 

DEACON. With this ordination, the seminarian entered major orders (deacons, priests and bishops). After Vatican  Council II, the role of the Deacon was restored to its original fullness. Today Deacons can preach, baptize and witness marriages, as well as be involved in many management functions of the church. 

As a priest, I have baptized many children and adults, been delegated by the Bishop to perform Confirmations, celebrated thousands of "confessions" and Masses, anointed hundreds of sick and dying people and witnessed untold numbers of wedding. I will now admit to a few of my 'blunders" during those sacred moment. 

BAPTISM I once baptized a man in a hot tub who desperately wanted to be baptized, but did not want to become a Catholic. He was like an "adopted parent" when I was in major seminary and I lived with him and his wife during summers and holidays. 

MARRIAGE The biggest mistake I ever made in a wedding was the time I called the bride by the groom's old girl-friend's name! I had known his old girl friend for years and had gotten used to calling their names together! The congregation laughed out loud because they knew exactly why I had slipped and used the old girl friend's name. 

ANOINTING OF THE SICK My first anointing took place at the old Somerset City Hospital in Somerset, Kentucky. I had only been ordained for a few weeks when I was called to anoint a dying woman. I grabbed the oil container from the parish office. When I arrived at the hospital, I was taken to an emergency room where she was in an oxygen tent. The nurses raised the plastic for me and I unscrewed the cap on the oil stock. All of a sudden, there was a blast of black smoke, like a miniature explosion. I stood there in shock as I put the parts together. Someone had filled the oil stock with ashes for an Ash Wednesday service at one of the parish’s mission churches in a Lent past. The pump on the oxygen tent pulled the ashes out of my little brass oil container and blew them all over her face and the pillow. All the wonderful Baptists standing around did not bat an eye. They all, no doubt, thought that that was what we Catholics did as a time like that. Not to disappoint them, and to cover my mistake, I ended with a prayer that contained these words, “Remember, man, you are dust and into dust you shall return.” I left there and told no one, especially the pastor who have ordered me to go do the anointing in the first place!

EUCHARIST I have had to handle many "situations" during Masses in Somerset. Monticello, Whitley City, Calvary and here in Louisville, especially at the Cathedral, too many to repeat here. For a longer list, I refer you to one of my more recent books, I JUST HAD TO LAUGH: Amusing Anecdotes, Humorous Stories and Outrageous Episodes from 50 Years of Priestly Ministry,, published in 2018 and available at Amazon Books.com 

 

GRATITUDE FOR WHAT WE HAVE BEFORE ASKING FOR MORE

"Amen, amen, I say to you, you are looking for me not because you saw signs but because you ate the loaves and were filled. Do not work for food that perishes but for the food that endures for eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you.”

John 6:22-29

I often hear people say, “I don’t go to church because I don’t get anything out of it!” Like the people in the gospel today who pursued Jesus because they wanted more free bread, they go to church so that God will “give” them more, not to “give” thanks for what they have already received!

At the beginning of each week, we gather on Sunday to celebrate the “Eucharist.” That word is Greek for “giving thanks.” Many people do not understand that the first purpose of celebrating the Eucharist is to give thanks for what one has already received before asking for more! Meister Eckhart, the 12-13th century theologian, philosopher and mystic said it best. “If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.”

"If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough." This simple yet profound quote by Meister Eckhart carries a deep message about gratitude and its significance in our lives. In its straightforward interpretation, the quote emphasizes the transformative power of expressing gratitude.  Gratitude is a vital aspect of our well-being that often goes unnoticed or taken for granted. It allows us to acknowledge and appreciate the blessings and positive experiences in our lives. Expressing gratitude not only enhances our overall happiness and satisfaction but also cultivates a sense of contentment and fulfillment within us. It is a reminder to recognize the goodness that surrounds us, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. It reminds us, like the gospel today teaches us, that there are greater and higher spiritual realities than our daily physical needs.

Beyond the surface level understanding of Eckhart's quote lies an unexpected spiritual concept – the interconnectedness of gratitude and selflessness. Gratitude, in its purest form, requires us to step outside of ourselves and recognize the contributions and kindness of others. It shifts our focus from our own desires and needs, creating space for appreciation and genuine thankfulness for the world around us. At its core, gratitude is a radical act of humility and recognition of interdependence. When we express gratitude, we acknowledge that we are not alone in our journey and that we rely on the support and benevolence of others. It encourages a shift from an individualistic mindset to a more collective perspective, fostering empathy and compassion in our interactions with others.

In contrast, the modern world often promotes an attitude of entitlement and self-centeredness, which can hinder our ability to cultivate gratitude. Society bombards us with messages telling us that we need more to be happy, leading to an insatiable desire for material possessions and success. This mindset creates a void that can never truly be filled, as it focuses on what we lack rather than what we have. Choosing to embrace gratitude as a way of life challenges this narrative. It invites us to pause and appreciate the blessings we may have taken for granted. It invites us to find joy in the small moments, to be present in the here and now, and to develop a sense of awe and wonder for the world around us.

 To be given at Little Sister of the Poor Home for the Elderly 5-5-2025

 

IT'S EITHER "ALL AT ONCE" OR AN "EXTENDED PROCESS"

 

Jesus said to Nicodemus, "Amen, amen, I say to you, unless one is born from above, he cannot see the Kingdom of God." Nicodemus said to him, "How can a man once grown old be born again? Surely, he cannot reenter his mother's womb and be born again, can he?"

John 3:1-8

Are you saved? Have you been “born again?’ Have you accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior? If you really want to make a Catholic squirm and sweat and doubt their religious upbringing, just corner one and rattle off that set of questions!  

 

When I worked in the Bible Belt, down in the southern part of the state, Catholics, including myself, were often bombarded with those questions. More than one Catholic was left confused and bewildered. Their counterparts could date the precise hour they were “saved,” while Catholics stood there puzzled and confused. 

 

Today’s gospel gives us a perfect opportunity to talk about these questions. To be “born again,” does one have to have dramatic, certain and dated experience or can one grow toward God in an extended process, sometimes without a clear beginning and end?

 

 Many of our fundamentalist brothers and sisters look to the Apostle Paul as their hero and ideal. His conversion experience was dramatic and decisive. It was a shattering, clearly memorable confrontation with the person of Christ on the road to Damascus when he was on his way to hunt down Christians and kill them. After this dramatic u-turn in his life, he fanatically embraced and defended what he had recently persecuted and attacked. His conversion experience was so dramatic that the story is retold three times in the Acts of the Apostles and referred to three more times in various New Testament Letters. 

 

Paul’s emphasis on personal-individual faith, his emphasis on a dateable dramatic decision and evangelistic zeal have become the prototype and model of Christian conversion, especially for fundamentalist groups.

 

Roman Catholics, while respecting Paul’s experience, look to the Apostle Peter as their hero and model. Peter’s experience was very different. In one gospel passage, Peter does in fact make his profession of faith, but like many of us, it is the climax of a long and gradual insight into who Jesus was.

 

Even though some would like to suggest that everybody has to have a definite conversion experience that can be dated, the New Testament does not suggest a single stereotype for an authentic Christian conversion experience. Nicodemus, for example, who triggered the discussion with Jesus about what it means to be “born again” is an ambiguous illustration of conversion. We do not know whether Jesus persuaded Nicodemus or not. All we know is that he turned up to help out at the burial.

 

Roman Catholics have often dismissed as silly emotionalism the dramatic and decisive conversions of fundamentalists, while fundamentalists have often dismissed the long and gradual conversions of Catholic believers. The fact is, the church has always welcomed both kinds of conversion experiences.

 

 GIVEN AT LITTLE SISTERS OF THE POOR ST. JOSEPH HOME 4-28-2025

 

ON BEING "WONDERFUL" AT EIGHTY-ONE

MY YOUNGEST BROTHER, MARK, GAVE ME A NEW NICKNAME 

just in time for my 81st birthday today 

APRIL 28, 1944

My brother, Mark, gave me the nickname "Father Wonderful" because he was getting tired of running into people who were always telling him how "wonderful" I was! He even had the sign (over my shoulder in the picture above) made for me as a gift. I am just thankful he hasn't run into any of my enemies! I guess, then, I would be called "Father Knott So Hot!" 

I am reminded of my youngest sister who told me before she died that she was getting tired of people introducing her as "Father Knott's sister" as if she did not have a name and a life herself!  

For this reason, I worry about my three Ray nephews. My youngest sister, Kaye, was married to Father Bob Ray's brother, Richard Ray. That means our three nephews-in-common have two uncles who are priests! Sadly, they "get it" from both directions!  

 

DOUBT HAS ITS PLACE EVEN IN A STRONG FAITH

     

“Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands and put my finger into the

nail marks and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”

John 20:19-31

One of the things that happens when you read the Bible on a regular basis, like I am required to do, is that even familiar passages are always speaking to you in new ways. It happened again a couple of years ago when I read a text from the gospel (Matthew 28:16-20), that I had read many times. It was the story after the resurrection and right before Jesus' ascension into heaven. That was the first time I noticed the words, “When the eleven remaining disciples saw Jesus after his resurrection, they worshiped even as they doubted.”

“They worshiped Jesus even when they doubted?” That’s pretty much the opposite of what we do. When we doubt, we quit worshiping. We assume that worshiping is only for believers. People, in our experience, who doubt quit worshiping! So why would these disciples worship Jesus, if they had doubts about Him? Why would the writer even include their doubts in the story?

The first thing many people assume about faith is that doubt is the opposite of faith. Not true! Honest doubt is not the opposite of faith. There is faith even in honest doubt.  Honest doubt is actually an integral part of faith. When Matthew tells us that the disciples “worshipped even when they doubted,” he wants us to know this basic principle: honest doubt was part of the faith, even for those who were closest to Jesus.

The Easter stories that we have been reading are a mixture of faith and doubt. The disciples are presented as very skeptical about Mary Magdalen’s report about seeing Jesus alive on that first Easter Sunday. Thomas, flat-out refused to believe until he saw Jesus with his own eyes and touched Jesus with his own hands.  On the road to Emmaus, other disciples were astounded by the report of Jesus being seen alive and did not recognize him walking right beside them on the road. Even after many reports, even after having seen him themselves, they worshipped, even as they doubted. Yes, the message is simple: faith is never black and white, all or nothing, but always mixed with a good measure of healthy doubt.  Doubt does not necessarily mean you don’t have faith. Doubt probably means that you do have faith!

“They worshiped, even as they doubted.”  The bigger question than whether doubt is part of faith, is what do you do when you doubt. Many, when they doubt, think they should absent themselves from prayer and worship until faith returns or becomes strong again. They say to themselves, “It is hypocritical for me to pretend to believe when I really don’t believe. When I start believing again, when my faith is strong again, then it will make sense for me to start praying and worshipping again.” That may sound good, even reasonable, but that’s not how it works! The story of the doubting St. Thomas has a lot to teach us. Thomas says in today's gospel, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands and put my finger into the nail marks and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.” Even in his doubt, Thomas did was pretty much the opposite of what we do when we have doubts. He kept going back to the community. When we doubt, we quit joining the community. We assume that joining the faith community is only for those who believe, for those without doubt. People, in our experience, who doubt quit joining the worshiping community! Not St. Thomas! He kept joining them, even when he doubted, until he believed!

As the doubting disciples teach us today, what really works is for us to worship even when we doubt, to worship until we believe.  Like a coal, pulled away from a heap of burning coals, that soon loses its heat, a doubter separated from the community of believers soon loses even more of his faith. A faith community strengthens faith and a doubting community strengthens doubt.

“They worshipped, even as they doubted.”  This may be yet another version of the great truth: “fake it till you make it.” Even though Alcoholics Anonymous made that idea famous, it actually goes back to the ancient Roman poet, Ovid who said, “Pretend to what is not, and then you’ll become in truth, what you are pretending to be.”  The great philosopher William James put it this way, “Act as if and the mind will produce your desire.” The idea is, if you take something that feels impossible, or at least completely unnatural, and pretend that it is the easiest, most natural things on the world for you to be doing, eventually, it will become as easy as you have been pretending it to be!

I practice this often in my own life. (1) As many of you know from me talking about my history, I grew up pretty much crippled by bashfulness. Bashful people find it painful to be in public situations. To cope, they are driven to avoid public situations as much as possible. This is a sure way to keep bashfulness going. The solution is to get out in public as much as possible, faking confidence, until one day you wake up and find out that you are no longer bashful.  The only way out of the fear of public speaking is to “fake it till you make it,” to do public speaking until you are no longer afraid to speak in front of crowds.  You cannot think your way out of bashfulness, you have to act your way out of bashfulness. (2) When I was sent against my will to southeastern Kentucky as a newly ordained priest, somehow I was able to open my mind to “faking it till I made it.” I decided, since I did not get what I wanted, I would act as if I wanted what I got until I was able to really want what I got. It worked. Those ten years were wonderful years in many, many ways. I “acted as if” it was a great assignment until it actually became a great assignment.        

"They worshiped, even as they doubted.”  My friends, all of us have a good measure of doubt, even as we believe. The secret to making sure that the scales do not tip too far to the doubt side, is to keep joining the community like St. Thomas, to act as if we believe until we believe, to pray our way out of doubt, to worship until we “feel like worshiping.” So, when you are tempted to drop out because “I don’t get anything out of it” or “I’m not into it today,” that is when you really need to get into it, that is when you really need to act as if you are getting something out of it until you do get something out of it.  Yes, even believers sometimes have to “fake it till they make it.”