WHEN I AM FORCED TO SURRENDER

“I would imagine there are days when Superman wakes up, glances at his cape, and wonders when someone will come to save him.”

Tyler Knott Gregson, Poet

At the beginning of my young adult life, because I had been under the paralyzing control of other people for so long, I made myself a promise. I promised myself that, whatever happened, I would not let myself be completely  "owned" by anyone or anything. I worked hard to gain my independence. I even made plans to protect my independence. I resisted anyone or anything that threatened that independence. Always afraid  that someone would come and try to take it away from me, I may have ended up being somewhat of a "control freak." I certainly would not consider myself in a psychologically dangerous place with it, but simply a little overly cautious about losing my freedom. Maybe my love of living alone comes from the fact that it gives me the space and time to rest and relax with nothing to defend and nothing to protect. 

As I age, I am becoming more and more aware that a day is coming when I will not be able to maintain my hard-earned, sacred independence. My greatest dread is the day that I might have to surrender to the control of other people once again. I am afraid that I won't be able to handle it and there will be nothing I can do about it.  I am reminded of a Scripture passage of which I am not that fond! 

When you were younger, you used to dress yourself and go where you wanted; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.

John 21:18

I have always thought that the best way to die would be at home, after a short and painless illness, just after giving a well-rehearsed farewell speech to adoring friends and relatives. Knowing that that scene is only in the movies, I would settle for a quick painless death in a sociably acceptable situation. However it happens, knowing me, I will probably be trying to micro-manage it, if at all possible, up to the last minute! 

 FROM AN OLD FAVORITE MOVIE "HAROLD AND MAUDE"

"If You Want To Sing Out, Sing Out"

Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
'Cause there's a million things to be
You know that there are

And if you want to live high, live high
And if you want to live low, live low
'Cause there's a million ways to go
You know that there are

[Chorus:]
You can do what you want
The opportunity's on
And if you can find a new way
You can do it today
You can make it all true
And you can make it undo
you see ah ah ah
its easy ah ah ah
You only need to know

Well if you want to say yes, say yes
And if you want to say no, say no
'Cause there's a million ways to go
You know that there are

And if you want to be me, be me
And if you want to be you, be you
'Cause there's a million things to do
You know that there are

[Chorus]

Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
'Cause there's a million things to be
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are