One of the questions
priests get regularly is, “Father, what should I do about my adult children?”
Usually, the question
involves situations about them living together with a partner outside marriage,
not going to church, involvement with drugs or alcohol, not having their babies
baptized and the like. Over the years, I have come up with my only bit of
advice to parents. It does not always work, nor can it always be applied to small children who
need discipline, but I have been surprised at how often it has worked with
adult children over whom they have little power anyway.
I tell them to “sit on
God’s front porch for a while.” This idea comes from the parable I quoted
above. We often call it the “Parable of the Prodigal Son,” but it is better
called the “Parable of the Loving Father.” It's not about the son's sin, but about the father's the unconditional love! The father is the hero, not the repentant son!
What was the response of
the father in this parable to the unwanted, destructive behavior and abrupt
departure of his beloved younger son? He sits on his front porch and prays and
keeps his eye on the driveway for any sign of him coming to his senses. It
doesn’t say how long he waits, but we might recall that St. Monica did this for
many years over her wayward son, St. Augustine.
When the son hits bottom,
comes to his senses and realizes he has no place to go except back home, he is
not met with “I told you so. I hope you learned your lesson. I knew you would
come crawling back. You have no idea how much you have disappointed me and your
mother.”
It says the father -
realizing that his son had come to his senses and had learned his lesson, realizing that his son would have
to live with the consequences of his bad judgment and realizing he did not need to have it
rubbed in - welcomes him back with open arms!
He does it without folded
arms, cold frowns, thumping feet, piercing stares, but with kisses. hugs and a new outfit of clothes. The father's gushing responses contrast with his older son’s pouting, withholding
and punishing self-righteousness.
If you have a child,
brother, sister or friend who has “been gone” following a path of
self-destruction and you don’t know what to do after exhausting all your pleas and
offers of help, try “sitting on God’s front porch” for a while. Pray, wait,
keep your heart open and be ready to open your arms, no matter how wounded they
may be.
When it comes to brothers
and sisters, nieces and nephews, parishioners and friends, I have always tried
to treat them as I would want to be treated — with the love of the father in
this parable, with the same love that God extends to me when I make mistakes,
choose badly and let myself and others down.
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