Today, in both the first reading from the Book of Leviticus and the Gospel of Matthew (25:31-46), we are presented with powerful lists of what is required to be “holy” in imitation of God’s “holiness.” Both readings center on eliminating those things in our lives that do not lift up, encourage and assist the suffering of this world. Holiness is presented, not in worshipping God, as much as it is as service to others, especially the poor – in loving God’s people as much as God loves them! This is how to “be holy as he is holy!”
One of the most useful insights I have ever stumbled across was one from the Nazi concentration camp survivor, Victor Frankl, in his book, Man’s Search for Meaning. He wrote these deeply meaningful and truly useful words: “Everything can be taken away from a man but one thing — the ability to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.”
We cannot always control what happens to us or around us, but we can choose how we want to respond. Things do not always work out. People divorce. Employees need to be fired. Children break our hearts. Friends let us down. Parents fail at parenting. In a world where revenge, vindictiveness, reciprocation, retribution and retaliation seem to be the most typical responses, we can train ourselves to respond differently.
Today, I would like to talk about the virtue of magnanimity, meaning to be generous in forgiving, eschewing resentment or revenge, and being unselfish and other-focused. The word comes from two Latin words: magna, meaning great, and animus, meaning soul or mind. Being magnanimous means being “big minded” or “great souled.” It has nothing to do with who is right or who is wrong. It simply means to freely choose to be “noble” regardless of who is right and who is wrong.
It is really about “making a good response” by choosing to be “big minded” or “great souled” regardless. Magnanimity is possible only for those who are not addicted to being right and who do not have a burning need to be faultless.
In life, we come face to face with unexpected circumstances, people who let us down and things that do not turn out the way we want them to be. Misunderstandings, human mistakes, bitter disappointments and shattered dreams are actually part of normal living. The more important thing to remember in those circumstances is that what happens is often not nearly as important as how we choose to react to what happens.
It takes magnanimity to go through a divorce without bitter vindictiveness and revenge. This is especially true when children are involved. In such cases, we might not be able to teach them about the permanence of marriage, but we can teach them about how to be civil, gracious and respectful with adversaries. It is as much of a gift to oneself as it is to the other, because it takes too much energy to carry a grudge.
It
takes magnanimity to forgive an ungrateful or hurtful child, an angry Sister or
a hostile resident and treat them well without being bitter, resentful, caustic
and hostile. All the time and energy it takes to nurse wounds that we would as
soon not heal is ultimately self-punishing anyway. It takes magnanimity to
forgive someone and make the first move toward reconciliation without needing
to exact an apology. That is noble indeed. Taking the high road of humility is
not a bad road to take for a human relationship worth saving.
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