THE "IN-BETWEENS" OF LIFE

“It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place in between that we fear . . . . It's like being between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to.”

Marilyn Ferguson

I am once again caught in the uncomfortable "in-betweens" of life! It's like what my niece said on her back deck after her first husband died, "I knew who I was yesterday, but I don't know who I am today!"

I have been in this position before so I am familiar with the uneasiness of this spot, but I also know that it is part of a priest's life. It is most certainly part of a diocesan priest's life. Unlike a monk who is permanently attached to one community for life, we are "moved" every few years - more or less! In my experience, this painful "breakdown" is usually followed by an even better "breakthrough." I trust that, in time, this will happen again - if I can get through this latest transition!

A week ago, I was in a nice rhythm of moving between the parishes of St. Frances of Rome and St. Leonard for the last few years after I had settled in after a second painful transition out of the Cathedral. This week I find myself a casualty of the reorganization of those two parishes. Being given only one Mass a month at least till October at St. Leonard and none at St. Frances of Rome, I am out looking for a place to offer my ministry! I am feeling "lost" again! However, I know that "in time" I will find another place to do ministry and "settle in" again!

There are many of us going through the "in-betweens" these days. Some are trying to find a new life balance after the death of a spouse, child or close friend. Others are going through "recovery" and "physical therapy" after major surgery, trying their best to believe they will "get better" in time. Others are between jobs, moving from one city to another and adjusting to a new house and neighborhood. Others have moved from the home they grew up in, away from their parents for the first time and trying to adjust to college life. Others are facing "empty nesting" after their last child leaves home after marriage or leaving for college. Others are facing moving into assisted living or a nursing home after having been forced to give up driving and other independences.

I still remember something I said to myself when I left the Cathedral for the first time after fourteen wonderful years of "managing" a "new golden age." I said to myself, and wrote it in my journal, "Who said you only get one "golden age?" I found out how true it was as I have been through at least four new "golden ages" so far: writing a column for The Record weekly for 14 years, working at St. Meinrad as a staff member after receiving nearly a $2,000.000.00 grant from the Lilly Foundation, leading over 150 priest convocations and retreats in 10 countries and working in the Caribbean Missions.

It happened to me not only because I was "lucky," but even more so because I was "intentional." I was "open to" a "new golden age" each time the last "golden age" ended! I remember clearly telling myself that no matter how "wonderful" my 14 years were as pastor of the Cathedral, I was not going to spend my life just talking about the past! I was going to be open to something "new" again and again as long as I was alive!

I know others who have done the same: one spouse dies, and after a time of grief, they are open to marrying "someone else" and they do, they lose one job and find an even better one, they recover from surgery and feel better than they have for years! I could go on and on! They have, with the grace of God, found the truth in Marilyn Ferguson's statement:

“It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place in between that we fear . . . . It's like being between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to.”

The pain is in the "letting go of the old" and the "opening up to the new!" C.S. Lewis was so right when he said, "God gives his gifts where he finds the vessel empty enough to receive them!" If you are now living in the "in-betweens," try to remember the words I said to myself when I was going through my conscious "in-betweens" back in 1997 when I left the Cathedral, "Who said you only get one "golden age?" Your present grief is often a painful "emptying" so that there is room for God to give you more wonderful gifts!