IF I TURN IT OFF, IT MIGHT NOT START AGAIN!

SOME RANDOM THOUGHTS FROM
"RETIREMENT"

It is hard for me to believe, but I have been retired for over three years now. It has been wonderful, but I don't seem to have slowed down one bit. 

I thought that once I got to Christmas, I would stay home for a while,  slow the pace down quite a bit and just take it easy for a while. Here it is the end of January and I feel that I have been running on all cylinders even during this traditional "down time." 

I am not traveling these days, but I am doing all the work of getting ready to travel. I have presentations to prepare, plane tickets to buy and an arm-load of details to iron out. I have even been buying toys on sale for the island kids for next year. Several times in the last month, especially since I got back from my 8th trip to "the missions" down in the Caribbean, I find myself getting out of the bed, going down to the computer in the middle of the night, to work on some writing project. (As I write this, it is almost 1:00 in the morning. I had been sleeping for three hours. I will go right back to sleep after a half hour of this with no problem.)

Why am I still driving myself, working as hard as ever and finding myself unable to stop? I like to think it is because I like what I am doing. While that is certainly true, I have to admit that I also have some fear of becoming obsolete. To be honest with myself, I sometimes feel that behind my relentless drive is a fear that I am like an old worn-out car. I fear that if I turn it off, it might not start again! 

Is my fundamental fear really a fear of becoming obsolete? Is that why I am afraid of stopping? Yes, I think that's it! I afraid that if I stop, I might not be able to start again!  Yes, that's why I am scared to death of slowing down! 

The sound of my own wheels may drive me crazy sometime, but I am committed to sticking my neck out, embarking on new adventures, pushing the envelope and seeing how far I can take this life for as long as I am able. Instead of calling this "retirement," I have decided to call it "retreadment." In my case, I believe their is still some more mileage to be had on this "tire" with a "retread!" 

With my work in the islands, with presbyterates in Canada, the United States and other countries and with the publishing of this blog, I wake up even at night in a bit of an obsessive compulsive state of mind. If I can't quit thinking about all these things, then so be it!  In the end, I would rather burn out than rust out, any day!