What God has joined together no human being must separate.
Mark 10
“A man shall leave his father and
mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. Therefore
what God has joined together, no human being must separate.”
Mark 2:9-11
Hollywood tells us
every day that love is about feeling good about somebody or something – strong
feelings of attraction. The Bible says the opposite. The Bible says that love
doesn’t always feel good. It says that love usually hurts and endures long
after strong feelings have passed. No
wonder everybody falls for the Hollywood lie and rejects what the Bible has to
say!
I always like to say
that one is not really committed to priesthood until it stops being fun and one
does not really commit to marriage until it stops feeling good. Then, and only
then, is true love manifested because real love is other-focused, not
self-focused.
The Catechism of the
Catholic Church is clear. Marriage and priesthood is about meeting the needs of
other people, not one’s own needs. Both are Sacraments of service. Marriage
partners are committed to meet the needs of their spouses and children. Priests
are committed to meet the needs of the people of the parishes they serve. Love is not a feeling, but a decision – a
decision to do good things for others even when it does not feel good -
especially when it does not feel good!
There are many things
I do for others as a priest that I don’t like to do! There are many things that
you married people do for your spouses and children that you don’t like to do!
We both do it out of love and quite often we have to rise above our feelings
and do it anyway!
As St. Paul tell the
people of Corinth, most of the time love has nothing to do with feeling good! Love
is not jealous, pompous, inflated, rude, self-interested, quick-tempered,
brooding nor happy about wrongdoing. It’s about not giving
into jealously, when we feel jealous. It’s about not showing off when we could
be the center of attention! It’s about not giving into pride when we feel like we
have a right to be puffed up. It’s about not being rude when we feel like we
have every right to rip some heads off. It’s about not being self-interested
when we feel like we deserve to be treated better by others. It’s about keeping
our cool when we feel like exploding. It’s about getting over it when we feel
like brooding. It’s about not turning a blind eye to evil when it would be
easier to ignore it.
All of you know that a
priest is called to be a spiritual leader – called to lead parishioners to
holiness of life, called to teach parishioners to do the right thing and follow
the right path. What many of you might not
know is that married people are also called to be spiritual leaders too –
called to lead their partners and their children to holiness of life, called to
lead them and teach them to do the right thing and follow the right path.
The men here are
called to be good husbands and fathers. The women here are called to be good
wives and mothers. My challenge to you, especially the students thinking about
marriage, is this! Get it right! Being a good husband and father, a good wife
and mother, is not something that is magically bestowed on you by a wedding
ceremony. Neither I, nor any other priest or deacon, is a magician! You have to
learn how to do it through focused practice – much like learning to play the
piano.
If you goof off, miss
practice and don’t show up, you will become a poor excuse for a piano player.
The same is true about being a husband and father, wife and mother. If you are
married and continue to act single, if you are not “there” for each other
emotionally, if you avoid your responsibilities to set a good example for your
children, you will become a poor excuse for a marriage partner and parent.
As I tell the
seminarians whom I teach in their last semester before ordination, “It’s time
to grow up! You will be a priest, now start acting like a priest!” As I tell
brides and grooms, “It’s time to grow up! You will be married, now start acting
like a married person. Now start acting
like a good parent! Start shutting up and putting up! Deliver on your vows and
promises, not one year or two years, but for the rest of your life!
Friends. don’t look to TV and
movie stars who talk endlessly about love, but don’t know what in the hell they
are talking about. Don’t look to silly musicians who scream and yell lyrics
about love but wouldn’t recognize it if it slapped them in the face. Look to the
old timers here today. Look to the ones who are still together, the survivors
of tragedies and sickness and loss and hard times, the ones who have been
through hell and high water and lived to laugh about it. They can show you what love and marriage are
all about. They can tell you how to make it last!
