Tuesday, January 2, 2018


but I have realized recently that I have actually been guilty of rewarding the bad behavior of some. 


Without switching to punishing them for their bad behavior, I realize now that I need to at least quit rewarding it!


It is hard to admit publicly, but I may have been misguided in some of my compassion. 

a. I have excused people when they are late without their even bothering to inform me, when they very easily could. I have encouraged them to think and act as if their time is more important than mine. 

b. I have given waiters excellent tips even for poor service.

c. I have allowed people to take presents from me, over and over again, without as much as a thank you. That's not good for them

d. I have supported people even in their bad life choices, thinking that my support would inspire them to change. Most of the time, it didn't. They repeated it, while others around them have mimicked it.   

e. I have overlooked selfish, rude and ungrateful behaviors and have even come back, at times, for more of it because I did not want them to feel bad if I confronted it. 

f. I sometimes overpay people who show up late, leave early and do a shoddy job.

g. I have excused some people for walking all over me and overlooked their nasty comments and behaviors, assuming that their feelings were more important than mine.   

h. I have found myself explaining myself endlessly to get their approval for my not giving them my approval. Sometimes, I have even ended up apologizing for not rewarding them for their bad behavior. 

I have come to understand that I have been rescuing them from feeling the pain resulting from their own bad choices, thereby enabling them to keep repeating their destructive pattern of use, abuse and bad example. 

The hateful thing to do would be to punish them for their bad behavior, but I have come to conclusion that the most loving thing to do is to allow them to feel the painful results of what they choose to do - not short-circuit their learning process by rewarding their bad behavior.  I have learned that a cool "no response" is the best response in many such cases. 

I have come to realize that behind my "Mr. Nice Guy" mask may be a coward who is addicted to being liked. I have come to realize that my "Mr. Nice Guy" act may actually be helping them become comfortable in engaging in even more bad behavior.

I will not punish them, but from here on I refuse to reward their bad behavior or give them the impression that I sanction it by my belief in unconditional love. They have my love, but I will not continue to bless everything they do. From now on, I will step back and let them feel the pain they have created for themselves and quit trying to rescue them from the affects of their own bad choices, whether they like me or not. I realize that doing this is the most loving thing I can do for them. 

If they ignore sound advice and insist on making bad choices, then I need to let them live with the consequences! I may not like their choices and I may not be able to stop them for making those choices, but I will not make it easier for them to keep hurting themselves by smiling and applauding when they do make bad choices.

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