BEING MORE INTENTIONAL ABOUT VERY ORDINARY THINGS - THIRTY-TWO

This is the thirty-second in a series of periodic reflections on the "ordinary things" that many people do on a regular basis without much thought. During this pandemic, I am developing a need to "rage, rage" against haste and laziness and replace it with care and attention. My hope is to become personally more intentional about doing ordinary things with care and focused attention, while inspiring others to maybe do the same.

 

 

Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his 

glory to overlook an offense.

Proverbs 19:11

Due to the stresses and losses during the present caronavirus pandemic, many people are experiencing sadness, fear, anxiety and loneliness. As a result many people are feeling angry about their many losses related to jobs, finances, normalcy, routines, cherished activities, the health of self or loved ones, the ability to see friends and family and they are are engaging in a well-known defense mechanism by transferring that anger to the wrong target. Research suggests that after a loss, disbelief and yearning for former days often occur first and then anger follows.

A common way people protect themselves from unpleasant feelings such as anger is by engaging in defense mechanisms. "Displacement" is a defense mechanism in which people transfer emotions from the original source to another person or situation. Because defense mechanisms are subconscious, people don’t often realize they’re taking anger from one situation and blasting it onto another. 

Here are some examples. A person who is angry because they lost their parent may take their anger out on the hospice nurse who took care of her at the end of her life. A man who is mad at his co-worker for putting him down in a meeting, might unload his anger  on a waitress over a small mistake on his lunch order at a restaurant.

During the coronavirus pandemic, we can be mindful that, along with the shock, disbelief and yearning for the way things were, we are all likely to carry a fair degree of anger, and at times it may be unloaded inappropriately onto people or situations with a little extra intensity.

Because many of us are at home all the time, we need to be especially wary of taking out anger on family members, since those are likely the ones we see the most. We can gain awareness of when we may be “displacing anger,” such as snapping at a child for being too noisy while on the phone or yelling loudly at a spouse for not taking the garbage out. 

Extreme examples of displacement may be responsible for some of the surges in domestic violence due to the coronavirus pandemic stay-at-home suggestions and orders. 

Once you understand your anger and where you tend to put it, you can make a conscious effort to deal with those feelings in a healthier manner, such as talking with an honest confident or therapist. Going for a long walk to calm down or working out in your home gym might also do the trick.  

It’s also important to understand when you may be the target of displaced anger, so that you don’t take it to heart when a conflict may be about someone else's displaced grief, not something you did personally.