CONFRONTING BAD BEHAVIOR

TWENTY-THIRD SUNDAY OF ORDINARY TIME

If you do not speak out to dissuade the wicked

from his way, the wicked shall die for his guilt, but I 

will hold you responsible for his death. 

Ezekiel 33 

“Fraternal correction” is an old religious idea that has fallen out of style, but one that our readings today talk about!  “Fraternal correction” is the practice of calling a brother or sister out on some destructive action as a way of helping them stop doing that wrong! As you might imagine, it is extremely risky, because the one who receives the criticism almost always acts defensively. “Mind your own business,”  “You’ve got a lot of room to talk,” “Who in the hell do you think you are?” are only mild forms of the backlash you might receive in response. You could end up with black eye, missing a tooth or even a former friend, in the process! John the Baptist had his head chopped of for having the nerve to tell Herod that it was not right for him to live with his brother’s wife! No wonder the idea of “fraternal correction” has gone out of style! 

Regardless of how tricky it is, the Scriptures tell us that it is our obligation to correct others and others to correct us when wrong is being done!  “If you do not speak out to dissuade the wicked from his way, the wicked shall die and I will hold you responsible for his death.”  Whoa! That sounds like another version of Cain’s old question to God about his brother Abel: “Am I my brother’s keeper?” The answer is: “Of course, you are!”  

In the gospel, Jesus gives his disciples a four stage process on how “fraternal correction” is to be done. (1)   If your brother or sister is in the wrong, first have a “one on one” to discuss it. (2) If that doesn’t work, get a couple of friends together to make the appeal. (3) If that doesn’t work, get the whole faith community to make an appeal. (4) Finally, if that doesn’t work, “treat him like a Gentile or tax collector.”  

It is very important to understand this 4^th step. How did Jesus treat Gentiles and tax collectors? He loved them anyway!

I remember one particular event when I tried “fraternal correction.”  It involved one of the few weddings that I simply refused to do! A young woman and her boyfriend, both friends of mine, were fighting like cats and dogs. There was infidelity, as well, on both sides. They came in one day and told me that they wanted to get married and asked if I would preside at the wedding. They had the crazy belief that marriage would cure their fighting and infidelity! 

It would have been easier on me to just go ahead and perform the wedding to ensure they would continue to "like" me, but I knew in my gut that it was not right and that it would not be good for them either. I told them I could not, in good conscience, do their wedding under the circumstances. I chose to do the right thing, not the easy thing. They left very angry at me and went to the Lutheran Church where the pastor asked no questions and performed their wedding in a few weeks. The marriage lasted six months and ended in a very messy and angry divorce. I could not stop them from hurting themselves, but I felt that I had done the loving thing, even though they did not appreciate it at the time. 

I often counsel Catholic parents who have children who choose to marry out of the church. Not willing to abide by the church’s wisdom on the Sacrament of Matrimony, they sometimes choose to celebrate their marriages in civil ceremonies. This leaves the parents in a dilemma. Do they refuse to go to the wedding and create a wall between them and their children for years to come or do they go and become accomplices in an illicit marriage, creating a scandal for other Catholics and setting a bad example for other young adults in the family?  I usually counsel them to follow the advice of Jesus in today’s gospel. I tell them to let their children know, clearly and unambiguously, that they do not approve, let them know what the teachings of the church are and why we have those teachings. Then, if they choose to do it anyway, love them anyway and leave the door open for a change of heart! 

There are times when we must speak out, especially when others lives, property or reputation are at stake. We should know that it is illegal, and immoral, not to report a Columbine-like situation. We should know that is illegal, and immoral, not to report child abuse, even suspected child abuse. We should know that it is illegal, and immoral, to leave the scene of an accident without offering assistance or calling for help.  We should know that we are morally and legally obligated, for the sake of the community, to “blow the whistle” in cases of gross embezzlement, grand theft, pyromania and hazardous exposure.  

It is not always appropriate or advisable to confront someone personally, as in cases of suspected spouse abuse, grand theft and vandalism. In those cases, there are avenues that provide help and guarantee anonymity. Sometimes, when the situation is not life-threatening but involves close friends or family members, all we can do is speak the truth with love and let it go! Sometimes all we can do is not participate in, encourage or condone immoral behavior! That kind of silence and passivity can speak louder than words!  The loving thing is not always the easy thing. The easy thing is not always the loving thing.   

We are our brothers and sisters keepers. We are morally obligated to speak out, but we are obligated to speak the truth with love! The goal of “speaking out” is not to hurt, embarrass or get even, but to help the individual and to help the community. As Christians, we are called to do “fraternal correction” for each other. Turning a blind eye and a deaf ear to evil gives it an environment to grow and spread, until it inundates a community and even the world.  

In the Confiteor, when we call to mind our sins, we admit to the things we have done and failed to do. The Letter of James says this, “It is a sin to know the right thing to do and not do it!” The famous Edmund Burke put it this way, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for enough good people to do nothing.”