How long will you lie there, you lazy person? When will you get up from sleeping? You sleep a little; you take a nap. You fold your hands and lie down to rest.
Proverbs 6
Have you ever been driving down the road, far from a gas station, and notice that the fuel gauge is on empty? Have you ever been traveling and notice that the battery on your cell phone is showing bars of red letting you know that it's about to go dead? Have you ever been working on your taxes as the deadline is approaching and you begin to panic as you realize that you can't get it all done? Have you ever had a ride to the airport and remember that you forgot your passport and you probably don't have time to go back and get it? Have you ever had a pile of bills in front of you and a checking account that is about to hit zero?
That's how I am beginning to feel about this pandemic. I am 76, I am retired, I have some savings tucked away, I am still in good physical condition and here I am stuck in this condo unable to travel or even leave the house without worrying about contracting a virus that could kill me! I am realizing that time is running out and there is not a damned thing I can do about it! I feel stuck. I feel powerless. I feel disappointed. I feel there could be no good ending to this situation.
I keep asking myself these questions. What would you do if you were about to run out of gas out on the road? What would you do if the battery were to go dead and you desperately needed to make a call? What would you do if the taxes were due and you didn't have time to file them? What would you do if you were on your way to the airport, with barely enough time to make it, and remembered that you forgot your passport? What would you do you with a stack of bills and no money left to pay them? What would you do if you knew that getting upset, angry and resentful wouldn't change anything? The only sensible thing to do would be to chill and let whatever is going to happen, happen. You would then try to find a way to deal with the consequences in the best way you could. In all the cases mentioned, as inconvenient as things might become, it would not be the end of the world! You would figure something out!
That is what I am trying to do during this pandemic - figure something out! Yes, I am grateful I am not sick. Yes, I am grateful I have food and housing and an adequate income. Yes, I am grateful that I have people who love me and care for me. Yes, I am grateful for so many things, but the one thing I can't seem to shake is the feeling that time is running out while I am stuck here at home, pretty much powerless to do anything about it. I used to think I had "places to go and people to see." Now I am not sure - not sure at all!
In four years, I will be eighty years old! I feel that I should be working on my "bucket list," not living like a bear in hibernation! I do pray for patience, but when my mind wraps itself around how much of the precious time I have left is being wasted waiting for this pandemic to end, I begin to really get irritated. Then I have to talk myself down from the "ledge" again - well, not a real ledge, just an emotional ledge! Thankfully, I live basement-level most of the time so I have no where to jump, but up!
In the end, all I can say is "Other people have it much worse than you, so get a grip, quit whining and deal with it, Ronald! "
No comments:
Post a Comment