THE NEED TO "FEEL COMFORTABLE" IS SUCH A TEMPTING TRAP
If I hear one more politician tell us that we should not be allowed to discuss some of our social problems because they "make some people feel uncomfortable," I think I will scream! As a "spiritual seeker" myself and a "spiritual leader," I refuse to intentionally bury my head in the sand, and encourage others to do the same, just so we can all "feel more comfortable."
-Don't mention drug or alcohol addiction in the family. It causes some family members to get upset!
-Racism in our country wouldn't be such a problem if people would just quit talking about it!
-Don't worry about our debt! Go ahead and charge that vacation to our credit card. We can worry about it tomorrow. Life is short. We need to enjoy ourselves sometimes!
-I know my husband beats and abuses me, but I would have nowhere else to go if I were to leave him!
-All this talk about LBGTQ people makes people uncomfortable! We weren't having all these problems before people starting claiming their so-called "rights."
-I know I should quit smoking, but it relaxes me. Besides, I have heard there are plenty of ninety-five year olds who were still smoking when they died!
-The church would not be having all these problems if nuns would just get back into their religious habits and they would allow priests to marry!
-Life would be a whole lot easier if they would just mine more coal, drill more oil wells, eliminate pollution taxes, not require expensive exhaust reduction systems on cars and quit talking about climate change all the time!
At one time or another, everyone seems to live in denial. When it happens, it's simply because we don't want to accept the truth of a situation. There are a variety of reasons for this response, but denial can cause us greater problems. If you're struggling with being in denial and its impacts on your life, know that you're not alone. You can find a way to live a more grounded life.
What is Denial?
No matter who we are, over time, we all develop different coping mechanisms to help us deal with a variety of circumstances and issues. These coping mechanisms can be healthy or unhealthy. When a coping mechanism is unhealthy, it becomes difficult for us to address our real issues or make desired changes in our behavior.
Denial psychology is built around understanding denial as a coping mechanism, along with the way it impacts us and our relationships. According to Merriam Webster denial psychology is a "defense mechanism in which confrontation with a personal problem or with reality is avoided by denying the existence of the problem or reality."
To understand how denial is used as a defense mechanism, let's start by looking at what defense mechanisms are and how we use them in our everyday lives.
Defense Mechanisms
When it comes to protecting ourselves psychologically, defense mechanisms provide an unconscious way to prevent unacceptable thoughts or feelings from making us overwhelmingly anxious. This process often means that we're trying to protect ourselves from feelings of shame or guilt, although these defense mechanisms can also arise when we feel threatened.
Often, we develop these unconscious defense mechanisms to address contradictions found in our lives. For instance, we all have reality, society, and biology pulling at us. Add to that our intimate relationships with others, plus our relationship with ourselves. We also have many different forces influencing our thoughts, feelings, and actions.
With all of these demands upon us, it can be easy to feel threatened or overwhelmed, which is a precursor to anxiety. As a result, our bodies and brains create these defense mechanisms to help us to address the anxiety and any feelings that might be associated with it, including guilt.
Denial - A Primary Defense Mechanism
Psychology has identified denial as the primary defense mechanism that most people use to cope with highly stressful situations. It often involves blocking external events from our conscious awareness. Essentially, if a situation is too much for us to handle, then we refuse to experience it at all. That doesn't make the facts or the reality of the situation go away, but it allows us to pretend that it isn't real, therefore reducing its impact on us.
While denial might reduce your anxiety in the short term, the reality is that it's not an effective way to deal with a situation in the long term. Eventually, the reality of the circumstances kicks in, and then you have to deal with it. You may turn to blame as a way to address your feelings of anxiety or guilt, trying to put the responsibility for your feelings onto someone else.
Avoiding situations or assigning blame can hurt your relationships in the long run, so denial is likely to cause more problems than it solves over time.
EXCERPTED FROM AN ARTICLE BY MARY BETH DEAN
"What Is Denial Psychology & How To Address It"
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