FOUR TIPS FOR HANDLING LIFE IN AN UNRAVELING, ANGRY, “COPY CAT,” EVERY-DOG-FOR-HIMSELF, POST-COVID AMERICA
According to Kylie Rymanowicz of Michigan State University Extension in a 2015 article, children learn and imitate behaviors by watching and listening to others. They seem to validate the old expression “money see, money do.”
This tendency to imitate behaviors is sometimes called “observational learning,” when children can learn things simply by observing others. The models do not have to be people that the child directly interacts with. Children learn from models all around them, on television, in the grocery store, at school and at home.
You have likely witnessed some observational learning with your child or even in your interactions with other children. Maybe your child comes home from school casting imaginary webs like Spiderman, even though they have never had any introduction to the character at home. Or perhaps they show off a new, not-so-child-friendly vocabulary word after the family reunion. Wherever they are, whomever they are around, children are observing and learning.
Watching a specific behavior does not necessarily mean a child will perform the behavior themselves; watching someone break a toy does not automatically mean your child will begin destroying things. Whether or not they demonstrate a new behavior, they are picking up new knowledge. Children are learning about the behavioral choices of others and also about the consequences of those behaviors.
What modeled behaviors children will imitate depends partly on what sort of reinforcement those behaviors receive. People are more likely to imitate a behavior if they get some sort of positive reinforcement for it. For example, if a child overhears another child swearing, he might learn new words, but may not necessarily use them. If, however, the child gets some sort of reward for swearing, such as acceptance or encouragement from an adult, an observing child might be more likely to copy this behavior. Don’t forget that laughter can be an unintended positive reinforcement. The same can be said if someone witnesses a negative reinforcement, such as scolding for swearing. A child may be less likely to imitate the behavior.
Through the process of modeling, children can learn aggressive behaviors by observing them. Sometimes this occurs through live models and direct experiences, but it often happens by watching television and other programming where aggressive behaviors occur. If these aggressive behaviors are reinforced, children might be likely to imitate them and execute aggressive acts themselves.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, children can also acquire prosocial behaviors through observational learning. Watching someone cooperate, share, take turns and demonstrate altruistic acts can teach children to show those behaviors too.
All the above can probably be said about adults. “The power of suggestion” is the foundation of modern advertising techniques. We are constantly bombarded with messages that (a) if a movie star or famous athlete uses such and such a product, we can become like them if we also use that product (b) if politicians can be nasty, mean and hateful, then it must be OK for me to be nasty, mean and hateful too (c) if running red lights and getting away with it is common, then if I do it, I will probably get away with it too. It seems to me that we are becoming more and more a “if you can’t beat them, join them” “everybody else is doing it” culture.
Along with some reflections last week on resisting the tendency to give into “exertion aversion” as we age, I spent some time reflecting as well on this “money see, monkey do” phenomenon during my in-home personal retreat during this year’s Holy Week. Here are a few conclusions I came up with.
To rise above the entanglement infecting modern day America, it seems to me that our first step is to ditch as many parts of our “monkey see, money do” life habits as possible, get a grip on ourselves and stop being manipulated by trends, fashions, fads and any false delusions that some fairy godmother is going to show up and make things all better for us!
We need to replace those lazy thinking patterns and develop the confidence to be our own person, take responsibility for our own happiness and set out on the road of deliberate personal spiritual growth and wise decision making. Yes, we have to learn to think for ourselves, discern what is of value and develop the discipline to carry through on the discipline that will take us to our goal. This involves not only giving up a “copycat” approach to life, but also the tendency to blame others for the results of our own bad choices. As George Bernard Shaw famously said, “The true joy in life is to be a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.”
To rise above the entanglement infecting modern day America, it seems to me that our second step is to understand that reality is much bigger than what we can see, much bigger than what we have experienced, much bigger than what others have tried to sell us. We need to choose to stand in awe before “truth” and accept nothing but “truth.” To do that, we need to remember that “all that glitters is not gold.” “Truth” has to be “discerned.” The word “discern” comes from the Latin meaning to “cut apart” – to separate “the wheat from the chaff” as the gospel advises us. In this winnowing process, we need to remember that the chaff will always be a bigger pile than the wheat itself!
Artificial Intelligence has already developed well enough to fool even the professionals with “fake” photos, making it harder to distinguish the real from the fake. When truth and lies become indistinguishable, we are in serious trouble! We are being invited into that swamp and many will no doubt walk right in before they know what the consequences will be. There are three possible options for handling Artificial Intelligence. We can (a) make it illegal or (b) become less naïve, more alert, more discerning and (c) operate from a well-developed conscience rather than mindlessly following “what everybody else is doing.” I doubt that making it illegal will happen, so we need to plan on choosing our own realistic and informed response to it.
To rise above the entanglement infecting modern day America, it seems to me that our third step is to mold ourselves on the ancient wisdom of the "greatest commandment:” love God, love ourselves and love others. It’s simple! Acknowledge God and put God first! Respect yourself always and take charge of your own thinking! Without that, you can neither acknowledge your dependence on a “higher power” nor be a contributing part of the human community. Realize that “no man is an island, but part of the main!” We are not Lone Rangers on this earth. We are a community on the same planet. That means we are responsible to each other and for each other and we need therefore to act out of that truth!
To rise above the entanglement infecting modern day America, it seems to me that our fourth step is to stand up to the powerful pull of social media, constant advertising, self-comparison and peer pressure. We need to be our own true selves and not give a damn about what other people think about that! “This above all, to thine own self be true!” No country, nation, community, church or family can be strong when every individual in them is weak and cowardly! Get and grip, learn to be discerning and refuse to follow the herd over the cliff!
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