DISAPPOINTMENT

 All of us have been there - a spell of sharp disappointment. It is something I have often experienced, but something I never get used to! I am one to put my heart and soul into something expecting  it to be helpful, useful and appreciated and often end up deeply disappointed when it isn't! 

Recently, I have been stuck in one of those periods of sharp disappointment. I suspect the seemingly endless COVID-19 pandemic, all the political chaos and January's weather have all exacerbated it and made it more acute than normal. I am hopeful that it will pass just as it has in the past. I also know that I am the main cause of my own disappointment because I expect a positive response for my intense efforts, and when that is not the case, I am left feeling deeply disappointed.  When it comes to disappointment, I can accept outright rejection but it's the silence of a non-response that I can't take!

When will I learn? "When you don't have expectations, you don't get disappointed!" It's that simple! During this time, I realized two things about myself. (1) On the whole, I probably get more positive feedback and affirmation than I deserve and to crave more is simply unrealistic. (2) If I were more "pure of heart," I would not set myself up with so many expectations that lead to disappointment. I would simply put my heart and soul into things without the expectations of appreciation and gratitude and do it just for "goodness sake."  So why do I keep putting my heart and soul into things and risking disappointment? I do it because of those many, many times that I am not disappointed! The quote below has been a personal guide for me for many years in times of disappointment ! 

“You cannot stay on the summit forever; you have to come down again. So why bother in the first place? Just this: What is above knows what is below, but what is below does not know what is above. One climbs, one sees. One descends, one sees no longer, but one has seen. There is an art of conducting oneself in the lower regions by the memory of what one saw higher up. When one can no longer see, one can at least still know.”

Rene Daumal