"IF GOD DIDN'T EXIST, WOULDN'T YOUR LIFE HAVE BEEN A WASTE?"

I do a lot of reading. The other day, I came across a question that I think deserves quite of bit of reflection time. "If God didn't exist, wouldn't your life as a priest have been a waste?" It is certainly a valid question and I am certainly not afraid to think about such questions! No, I am not trying to present myself as a "great thinker," by any stretch of the imagination, but here is my humble attempt at a response after some thought. 

Strangely enough, I had to confront this question when I was in the seminary, graduating from college level training and seeking entrance into theology level training. We were required to pass an oral examination about what we had learned in college. We had to pass an oral exam in front of three professors before we could be admitted. Since we  were all basically required to secure a "major" in philosophy, the random question would most probably be asked from that field. 

My question was about St. Thomas Aquinas's "five proofs for the existence of God:" Motion, Efficient Cause, Necessary Being, Gradation and Design. I guess they expected me to tell them which one of his "proofs" was most convincing to me personally, be able to talk about it and then compare that one to the other four. Instead, I decided to tell them what I really thought, not what I should have been thinking. I told them, that if I did not already believe in the existence of God, his "proofs" alone would not convince me, but since I already believed, they all made some sense!" To this day, I still don't know if I passed because of my basic knowledge of the subject or because of my brash honesty! Remember, it was in the 1960s! Back then, if you were not that "bright" you could sometimes get away with being "slick." Well, it obviously worked for me that day! 

In thinking about the question of God's existence, I am forced to confront the scary possibility that fourteen years of childhood religious formation, twelve years of seminary training and fifty-two years of ministry were all one big waste of time.  

I know a few atheists and agnostics, so another way to ask the question might be this. "Would I trade my life with any of them?" It doesn't take me long to answer that question. My unequivocal answer is "Certainly not!"  That last question is much easier to answer than the first - "Does God exist?"

I think a better place to start with them might be, "What kind of God are you talking about?" If the question were framed differently, I could probably agree with an atheist. "Does the God that some people believe in exist?" My answer would have to be, "No, I don't believe their God exists!" There are people who believe in a punishing, mean, vengeful and get-even God who is always looking for human activities to condemn. I don't believe that kind of God exists. 

The God I believe in is kind, merciful and full of compassion. The God I believe in loves all of us unconditionally. The God I believe in has bent over backwards to prove it. I believe in this God, but my faith in the institutional Church has sometimes been ripped to shreds, very often by  "believers" themselves, and on some days it has been on life-support trying to hang on! My faith in a loving God stands strong in spite of the fact that the "earthenware jar that holds this treasure" and "passes it on from generation to generation" is weak and fragile.   

From my platform as a priest, I have been able to give people comfort in their suffering, as well as love, support, encouragement and acceptance when they needed it by "being there" during the great moments of their lives: births, graduations, marriages, health crisis and deaths. From my platform as a priest I have been able to be a builder of community through fifty-two years of preaching the Good News, fifteen years of An Encouraging Word columns, seven years of An Encouraging Word blogposts, six Blue Christmas Masses for the Grieving, thirty-seven books, seventy-five parish missions and over one-hundred and fifty Intentional Presbyterate unity building workshops. With all that, the question remains: "If God did not exist, would all of those things have been a waste of time?" 

My answer is a resounding "no, it most certainly would not have been a waste." In actuality, it has brought me great joy and deep personal satisfaction to have had such a marvelous platform to bring some joy and satisfaction to so many people. I am still a believer, but even if God did not exist, I would certainly not trade my life, and what I have been privileged to be a part of, with any atheist. It has certainly been worth it! As the Curate Thomas Wingfield put it in George McDonald's nineteenth century novel called Thomas Wingfield, as he reflected on his years as a minister, "Whatever energies I may or may not have, I know one thing for certain, that I could not devote them to anything else I should think entirely worth doing. Even if there be no hereafter, I would live my time believing in a grand thing that ought to be true if it is not. I would rather die forevermore believing as Jesus believed, than live forevermore believing as those who deny him." 

Finally, I am reminded of how the great French philosopher Voltaire (famous for his wit, his criticism of Christianity and especially the Roman Catholic Church) put it, "If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent Him." This statement was made as part of his larger argument that the existence of God and/or belief in God are beneficial and necessary for civilized society to function. The larger context of the debate in which he was engaged at the time indicates that he did not intend this statement to be an ironic quip essentially claiming that God is fictional, as it is commonly understood today. In fact, the statement was made as part of a piece that he wrote condemning and refuting an atheistic essay called "The Three Imposters."

So the bottom line is this! I do believe in a loving God, but even if that God did not exist, I certainly do not believe my life as a priest has been a waste!