I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE SO I KNOW THE FEELING
“It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place
in between that we fear . . . . It's like being between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in
the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to.”
Marilyn Ferguson
I've been here so many times before that I know what is happening - that uncomfortable time when one world ends and another one hasn't started yet, when one dream is completed and another hasn't hatched yet! I call that period the "in betweens" when you know that one era of your life has been completed and you are not sure what the next era will be like. You might say I am in psychological "limbo" again. "Limbo" comes from the Latin word "limbus" meaning "edge" or "boundary." "Limbo" is "an uncertain period of awaiting a decision or resolution; an intermediate state or condition." One of my nieces described it clearly this way when we were sitting on her porch after her young husband's funeral. "I knew who I was yesterday, but today I don't know who I am!"
For me, the "in betweens" are not as much scary as they are uncomfortable. It's a lot like an extended freeze-frame moment when you jump from one rock to another without be able to see clearly where you are jumping. Now that I have finished my latest three-year project, the completion of the St. Theresa Family Life Center and Guest House, I feel like I am floating in a vacuum waiting for the the next rock to appear before I can land again. As Marilyn Ferguson puts it, "it's like being between trapezes" or "its Linus when his blanket is in the dryer."
I find myself sort of bouncing around feeling some mild doubts about whether this time there will ever be another rock to land on, feeling a bit unmotivated, unproductive and directionless. I am feeling a bit like a control freak without his control, a bit like an addict without his drug.
I've been here so many times before that this time I know in my heart of hearts that there will no doubt be another rock to land on, another trapeze to grab onto and the dryer will once again finish its job. I know that for a time I will be like a workaholic without his work so I just need to rest up, wake up and be ready to step up in God's time, not mine!
During this "down time," I have counted no less than twenty-five times when I can remember having been in the "in betweens." Three years ago, after it became obvious that my work in the Caribbean Missions and traveling around the world leading priest convocations had come to an end, I found myself in the "in betweens." It was during that uncomfortable period, when I wondered whether "if I turned the key off whether the car would ever start again," that it occurred to me that I might set out to build the St. Theresa Family Life Center and Guest House down in Meade County. Now that my latest project is completed, I find myself again in the "in betweens." I know down deep that the next step will be a partnership between me and God. God will offer me a new opportunity, but it will be up to me to see it and seize it so I need to be vigilant and be ready!
It may sound a bit melodramatic, but what all my remembered twenty-five times of being "in between" have in common is that each of them have been comparable to those short periods between classic "quests" in literature.
A quest in literature is an adventurous journey undergone by the main character or protagonist of a story. The protagonist usually meets with and overcomes a series of obstacles, returning in the end with the benefits of knowledge and experience from his quest. It is clear that a quest also means something that is difficult to achieve but the hero is all set to achieve it through any means and that it means good for the people as well as for the quester. Its real function is to show not only how a quester goes through a test set for him, but it also teaches the readers that such realities could emerge in their cases and that they should also be able to surmount such things with their intellect, perseverance and courage.
As I said above, a quest is not only good for the quester, but also those who read about his quest. That, my friend, is why I write about my quests - not to be admired, but to be imitated - to invite others to step out on their own quests.
“It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.”
J.R.R. Tolkien
The quote above, to me, says simply that anything can happen and you can go anywhere. Just take that first step without knowing where you might end up. That kind of travel is addictive. You can get ‘swept up’ so just put one foot in front of the other and keep going.
And yes, things might go wrong, something bad may happen, but if you don’t take that risk, how will you ever know? On such a quest, keep your wits and common sense about you -- ‘keep your feet' as Tolkien said.
I really like the idea of a Road that Tolkien wrote about, and that if you leave the safety of your house and take that Road, it can take you to some amazing places.
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