Take care of your father (and mother) when (they) are old; grieve (them) not as long as (they) live. Even if (their) minds fail, be considerate of (them); kindness to a father (and mother) will not be forgotten, firmly planted against the debt of your sins.
Sirach 3:2-6,12-14
The good news is that we are living longer and longer. The bad news is that, in many ways, it is becoming harder and harder to die at home of a natural death. The extension of lifespans has created a booming nursing home industry, a booming legal business of end-of-life and medical surrogate lawyers and complicated machines that can keep us suspended between life and death for years, if that is required! In some states and countries, it is now legal for sick persons to end their own lives through "assisted suicide" (aka "medical aid in dying." That is so scary when I think about where that is going in the future! Thankfully, however, there are also "assisted living" programs offering hospice or palliative care that help the dying be comfortable until death comes naturally.
Being a hospital chaplain is not as easy as it used to be either! I have two memories of being called to the hospital when someone was dying. The first was when my presence was resented by the hospital staff. The second was when I was appreciated by the hospital staff.
When I was a Deacon, I was assigned to a Catholic Hospital here in Louisville. I was called to anoint a man who was dying. When I got to the room, I waited outside until the staff told me is was OK to come in. One of the good Sisters, in an attempt to help me get set up for the anointing. plowed right past me right into the room, past the nurses and the doctors who were working on the patient, pushing her cart with candles, crucifix and oil, calling out in a loud voice, "Excuse me! Excuse me!" I forget exactly what the doctor yelled to her about her cart, but it wasn't nice! I was happy I had the good sense to stay out of the room until I was invited in!
When I was a young priest, I was called to the hospital to anoint a young man who had been in a terrible accident. He was terribly swollen and had wires, tubes and equipment attached to him to keep him alive artificially even though he had been brain dead for quite a while. The doctors could not turn off the machines unless the family agreed for fear of being sued, along with the hospital. I realized right then and there it would be my job to help the family make the decision to turn off the machines and let him go! After talking to them a while, I helped them make that decision, making sure that everyone one of them was in agreement. We prayed for a while together. I laid the pix with the Blessed Sacrament on his chest over his heart as they turned off the machines. Within a few minutes it was over. His body was no longer being tortured because they couldn't bring themselves to let him go. He was at peace and so were they! One of the doctors came out as I was leaving to thank me for the ministry I had just offered the family - something that he himself could not do under those circumstances.
It is hard to die these days because of the maze of new medical treatments and the jungle of legal health care issues. My first suggestion is to be sure you and your family members have a LIVING WILL DIRECTIVE and a LIMITED HEALTH CARE POWER OF ATTORNEY so that your survivors will know what you want in such situations. My second suggestion is call your pastor and ask for the Anointing of the Sick at the beginning of your illness if possible. Don't wait till the last minute and then try to find a priest for the "Last Rites" after the patient is unconscious! Many hospitals no longer have priest chaplains on call and the number of available priests is shrinking every year. My third suggestion is to talk to somebody in the family, even if you are a young adult in good health, about what you want if you are in an accident and as far as a funeral - even if it is just a few little instructions they can remember. If you are an older person, you might even want to pre-plan your funeral so that your family will know what you want and how you want it done. It will help them tremendously.
Before all that, while your parents are alive and doing reasonably well, there is much you can do for them and much you owe them. Visit them! Call them! Remember their birthdays, anniversaries and other special days like Mothers Day and Fathers Day. Speak to them with respect even if they become tedious and demanding. Do whatever is possible and legal to protect them from criminal online predators and the risks of driving if it is no longer feasible for them. That will also protect others from the harm they can inflict in an automobile accident. Help them, or find someone who can, navigate the complicated legal paper work and medical appointments that are almost all done online these days! Most importantly, talk to them! Talk to them and try to honor as many of their wishes as possible rather than ramming things down their throats because it would be easier for you! Last of all, pray with them once in a while! Help them get to church! Go with them! Make it a family day for them when possible! Take them to breakfast afterwards even if it is only once a month! Take turns with your siblings if necessary! Your presence and attention will bring them great comfort!
In closing, let me say this. You owe them a lot and the care and attention you show them will bring God's abundant blessings and forgiveness to you in the process! Your honor and respect for them will be "firmly planted against the debt of your sins," as the reading at the top puts it!
No comments:
Post a Comment