Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and
petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of
God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ
Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-9
I would describe myself,
in my early years, as an “anxious” person. To be “anxious” is to be “uneasy and
apprehensive about something uncertain” or to be “worried.” It’s all
about that awful thing that might happen next. This was
especially true when I left Meade County, at age 14, and entered St. Thomas
Seminary High School in Louisville. I experienced being “a lost ball in tall
weeds” as I entered culture shock! Those of you who have lived with spouse
abuse or lived with a raging alcoholic or drug addicted person also know what I
mean. Living in anxiety is a lot like living with a ticking time-bomb strapped
to your leg – only day and night every day. It is living in dread, living on
“pins and needles,” “waiting for the other shoe to drop,” waiting to “hit
bottom” after falling. It is no way to live and only those who have been there
understand what I am talking about.
As a small child, anxiety
was a simple passing experience – the terror of hiding under covers,
wide-awake, after my older sister, Brenda, had told convincing ghost stories or
during the height of a crashing, booming rainstorm.
As a fifteen-year-old from “the country”
in a high school seminary in “the city,” my anxiety
was about the fear of failure, the fear of not being good enough, the fear of
rejection, the fear of being laughed at for being a “hillbilly,” the fear of
being bullied because I was “skinny” and the fear of not having enough money to
live on during the school year.
As a young priest, anxiety
was about being threatened by the Klan, being scorned in public by some
Protestant ministers for being a Catholic and for being a liberal Catholic by
fundamentalist Catholics, being stalked by a knife wielding schizophrenic for
welcoming fallen-away marginal Catholics back to church, watching years of work
and dreams crack and almost fall to the ground in front of me, sleeping with
one eye open for years after having my home burglarized three times, being
ashamed of being a priest and of maybe being falsely accused during wave after
wave of bad news during the sexual abuse scandal and waiting for the results of
a biopsy that might have been cancer.
As an older priest,
anxiety had to do with three major disappointments when one great assignment
ended and my plans for what I expected to do next burned and crash on the
launch pad. It was only then that I found out that the Plan B that God had in
store actually turned out better than the Plan A that I wanted to happen. It
was then that I realized that all my anxiety had been one big waste of
time.
At 80, this may be the
most anxiety free time of my life. Today, I know “peace,” the opposite of
“anxiety.” I have a safe place to live. I have enough saved to live
comfortably and a little saved for the future. I have a few successes behind me
and I have a variety of wonderful small jobs to wake up to every day. I feel
accepted by myself and loved by most of those who know me.
Most of all, I discovered
the cure for “anxiety.” I am more at peace now. than I have ever been, because
I have discovered the “good news” that Jesus came to bring. I have come to
understand and know that I am loved by God, without condition, and in the end
that everything is going to turn out OK, even if I may still have to face the
challenges of old age, bad health and, God forbid, a painful
death. Yes, I have to admit that heading into 81, I have that
feeling I used to get when I was walking across thin ice wondering when it
would crack and I would suddenly find myself in a real crisis. However, because
of the peace that God gives those who believe in his “good news,” I am
confident that he will help me handle the rest of the way whatever comes my way
because his way is always the better way!
"Peace!" These
words of Jesus were not only addressed to the terrified disciples, huddled
together and cringing in fear, in that upper room after his crucifixion, as
well as Paul to the anxious Philippians, these words are addressed to all of us
Catholics today; whether you are a student worried about grades, finances or
the fall-out of a bad choice made in the heat of passion; whether you are
living in abusive relationship or an unsafe environment or with constant
discrimination for being different; whether you are unemployed and in debt up
to your ears or barely handling a chronic health problem; whether you are a
single parent trying to make it on your own; whether you are religiously
scrupulous and live in constant fear of a punishing God and can’t let go of it.
Jesus addresses his words to you today. ‘Peace be with you! Calm down!
It’s going to be OK! When all is said and done, things are going to turn out
just fine. I am with you! Trust me with Plan B!’
Anxiety is worry about
what might happen. Peace is the awareness that
everything will be OK no matter what happens. Trust
in God is the only way to peace. Peace is God’s gift to us and it is based on
the “good news” that we are loved and that great things await us – because God
said so!
Let me end with one of my favorite prayers by Saint Francis de Sales.
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