"YOU JUST CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP" 2025 #2

Last year, every Saturday I featured  a post called "Wisdom for 2024" 

This year, every Saturday, I will post a series of unusual personal experiences 

from the past under the title "You Can't Make This Stuff Up."

Sometimes, names or locations will be changed or disguised to protect the guilty! 

Besides, I am retired! What can they do, fire me?

MY ATTEMPTS TO ASSOCIATE WITH MY ASSOCIATE 

Father Joe Vest, (God rest his soul) my first associate pastor at the Cathedral of the Assumption, was a very talented man in his own right, but he was not easy to work with! He never really embraced the "associate" part. He actually acted more like he thought he was a "co-pastor." Archbishop Kelly let me pick my "associate pastor" so I have no one to blame but myself. 

The first mistake I made was giving him the front office facing 5th Street. I took the smaller one behind it - out of sight! I got a lot of grief from some of the parishioners because he insisted on having a huge stuffed Garfield the Cat glued to the front window that stared out at people passing our parish offices. I thought it was tacky and silly and made us look less than professional, but I tried to overlook it because I soon found out that he had a strong personality that did not take direction readily. Finally, because people thought it was silly and embarrassing, I got up the courage to tell him in no uncertain terms to "take it down." He did, but I felt the punishment that followed. 

Because he had been a monk for a while at St. Meinrad Archabbey, a place known for good liturgy, I put Father Vest in charge of the Holy Week Liturgies. He was good at it, mostly, but he did pull a few stunts that got us both in trouble.  

Part of the Easter decorations that Father Vest came up with was a huge flower-garden, with a fountain,  cascading down the steps in front of the pulpit that almost blocked the path up the altar on its right side. 

For some event during that season, Bishop Maloney was participating. Bishop Maloney said nothing about the flowers blocking his path up the steps, but he made his "statement" by plowing through the garden as if it wasn't there! Almost falling on his hands, half-way through, he regained his balance and finished his deliberate "tip-toe through the tulips" as if they were never there to begin with!

Father Vest was never reluctant to express his displeasure. One evening, at dinner, Archbishop Kelly, Father Vest and I were at table. The cook had prepared Waldorf Salad. Well, Father Vest declared how much he hated Waldorf Salad. I made the mistake of saying how much I liked Waldorf Salad. Father Vest took his plate of Waldorf Salad and pitched it across the table toward me. Most of it landed on its plate right in front of me! I took it and pitched it back at him, saying "I don't like it that much!" I still remember the look on Archbishop Kelly's face as he realized that has witnessing his first "rectory food fight!" 

The night before he was being sent to another parish, I decided to take the "high road." I called him to my office and said, "Well, Joe, it was not always pleasant, but if I had to do it over again, I would!" Mistakenly thinking I would get some kind of gracious response, he snapped back, "Well, I wouldn't!" 

He was followed by two wonderful Associate Pastors of my choosing - Father Peyton Badgett and Father Bill Medley. Father Peyton left and got married. Without knowing it, I had introduced him to  his new wife. Father Medley later became the Bishop of Owensboro. Both of them were a pleasure to work with!