WHY GOD INVENTED PURGATORY
I think I know why God invented "purgatory!" It is especially meant for the people who invented those battery-operated microphones that priests wear under their vestments! They need to be punished! From trying to get them clipped to your waist, threaded up your sleeve, out your neck opening and clipped to your vestment collar, it is one nightmare after another! Sometimes, the batteries go dead half-way though Mass. Sometimes, you get a loud screeching noise from "feedback" if you get too close to the pulpit microphone and sometimes you are caught saying confidential things to parishioners at the door if forget to turn them off! Sometimes, they just don't work for some reason that even God wouldn't know why! They haven't made many improvements since they were first invented - whether it is an aggravating clip-on for your vestment collar or a irritating wrap-around wire over your ear. The aggravation cannot be overestimated! Yes, those who invented them and sell them need to be punished!
It's a story I've told before, but I believe that they were invented around the time I was a Deacon at St. John Vianney Parish here in Louisville in 1969. The pastor was "getting up there in years." One Sunday, he had Mass and I served as the Deacon. As soon as Mass was over, he headed to the restroom as I stood at the door greeting people. He forgot to turn off the microphone that he was wearing. As I shook hands with people at the door, we could hear him in the restroom. First, it sounded like Niagara Falls. Then there was this loud low noise as he obviously "passed gas" which followed by a loud relief sound of "Ahhhhhh!"
At first, I tried to hide my embarrassment, but it was useless! His unmuted microphone worked too well, so we just stood there, uncomfortably, and laughed!
Too funny!!
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