FIDELITY - TODAY'S UNCOMMON VIRTUE

       

GIVEN AT THE LITTLE SISTERS OF THE POOR HOME FOR THE AGED

May 20, 2024

Standing by the cross of Jesus were his mother and his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas and Mary of Magdala. When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple there whom he loved, he said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son.” Then he said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother.” And from that hour the disciple took her into his home.

John 19:25-34

Everybody has a “bucket list” of sorts of things they dream of doing before they die. It may not be an official list, but simply some dream they hold in their hearts of something they would like to do or a place they would like to visit before they die! For me, it was a cruise through the Greek islands! In 1995, for my 25^th ordination anniversary, the Cathedral parish gave me that trip. To walk up the very wide main street from the port that St. Paul himself walked, was moving indeed!  Another of the highlights of that stop in Ephesus was a bus trip to the top of the hill where St. John and Mary, the mother of Jesus, is believed to have lived out their final days.

When today’s gospel reading comes up where Jesus basically hands the care of his mother to his beloved disciple, I remember that visit. The tiny community where they are believed to have lived, overlooking the great city of Ephesus, is not that impressive. What is impressive was their fidelity to Jesus as they stood there at the cross to the very end! Their fidelity is much more important than that tiny village overlooking Ephesus. It is their fidelity I want to talk about today, not my trip!  

Fidelity! We have a whole lot of names for it: keeping a promise, carry through, doing what you said you'd do, keep your word, putting your money where your mouth is, putting up and shutting up, being faithful, to name a few.

When I was ordained a priest, 54 years ago last Thursday, I made a promise to remain faithful to my ministry till death, very much like the Sisters, priests and married residents. Let me share with you a few things I have learned about fidelity.

(1) Fidelity is not static, but dynamic. By that, I mean you don't just commit in some ceremony and "puuuf," fidelity is guaranteed. It is always a way of life, rather than a fact of life. Fidelity is something that must be freely and consciously chosen every morning you put your feet to the floor, whether you're a marriage partner, a Sister or a priest. In a day’s time, life offers innumerable opportunities to be faithful or unfaithful. In fact, many of those around us today will actually encourage us and entice us to be unfaithful, rather than faithful. In other words, opportunities for infidelity, as well as some very convincing rhetoric will try to entice us to be unfaithful. Like love, fidelity can often be demandingly harsh, especially when you have to say "no" to things that look good, smell good, taste good and feel good - all for the sake of a higher good.

(2) Those who make commitments to fidelity must count the cost before they make it and be able to pay the price after they make it. In marriage, you must not just be able to remain faithful yourself, you have to marry someone else who has what it takes to remain faithful. One should never make a lifetime commitment without having what it takes to keep it. Before one takes such a serious leap as a life-time commitment, one must be able to take baby steps before big steps. Before one makes a lifetime commitment, it is a good idea to see if one can make small commitments and keep them. If you never keep your word, never follow through on even small promises, always take the latest best offer no matter what you told someone else yesterday, never finish a project, never can be counted on to show up, then you are not ready to be a priest, Sister or get married. 

(3) Fidelity is often presented as a horrible cross to bear with rewards only in the after-life. Very little is said about the payoffs of fidelity. I believe that fidelity has pay-offs similar to regular exercise and a good diet. It's not easy, but it is ultimately good for you and for society.  God knows we have seen the pain that uncommitted partners, infidelity, latest best offers, grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side-of-the-fence thinking have inflicted on innocent marriage partners, families and especially children. Fidelity teaches you a lot about yourself. It teaches you to work through problems, rather than run from them. It helps you focus your energy in a more effective way.

(4) One does not just make a promise of fidelity and hope for the best or merely tough it out. One must tend one's garden, pay attention on a daily basis and do all one can to protect one's commitment from compromise and contamination. I have learned one thing from hundreds and hundreds of failed marriages. They were not killed. They simply starved to death, day after day, from lack of care and feeding! 

One of my heroes is Father Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, a French Jesuit and a scientist. Because of his new ideas, he was silenced by Rome in 1926. He was urged by many to leave, not only the Jesuits, but also the Church. He decided rather to "go on to the end and with a smile if possible." Why? He said, "When I took my vows, I committed myself. To break them would be an offense against honor." "One must work from within," he said. "Those who leave no longer have any influence. The ideas now considered revolutionary will be generally accepted...The day will come; there can be no possible doubt about it."

These words of Father de Chardin have always challenged me on my personal journey of fidelity especially the part where he says, "One must work (for change) from within (the Church). Those who leave no longer have any influence.”  How true! How very true!