BEING MORE INTENTIONAL ABOUT VERY ORDINARY THINGS - TWENTY FIVE

This is the twenty-fifth in a series of periodic reflections on the "ordinary things" that many people do on a regular basis without much thought. During this pandemic, I am developing a need to "rage, rage" against haste and laziness and replace it with care and attention. My hope is to become personally more intentional about doing ordinary things with care and focused attention, while inspiring others to maybe do the same.

STANDING ON HOLY GROUND

 

Since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us persevere in running the race that lies before us while keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus.

Hebrews 12:1-4

During this pandemic, I have had at least four graveside funeral services, rather than traditional funeral Masses inside a church. As I prepared a homily for my first cousin who was buried in Saint Mary Magdalen Church in Payneville, Kentucky, I was struck by the fact that cemeteries are called "consecrated" ground for a reason. Here are some of the thoughts I shared with the people who attended his funeral. 

My dear family and friends! We are standing on holy ground! We are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses – those who have gone before us after they have completed their time here on earth! Our parents, siblings, uncles and aunts, our neighbors, our friends and our fellow parishioners are buried here! Yes, this is holy ground! Here lie the relics of some powerful saints with whom we share DNA and endless memories! 

Yes, make no mistake about it! This is holy ground and we are surrounded by a cloud of witness who have faithfully lived the Christian faith in this community.  They were good, good, good people! If most of them are not saints by now, then I don’t have much of a chance! Let’s be clear about one thing! We are burying another family member in holy ground! 

As I was preparing this homily, I thought of a reliquary that someone gave me a few years ago. It is a large, gold locket with a small door containing a tiny bone fragment of Saint Pius X. A “reliquary” then is something that holds the bones of a saint. This cemetery, this holy ground that we stand on today, is really one big “reliquary.” It holds the bones of this community’s saints – the bones of our saints! 

Many of you might remember the thriller film, The Sixth Sense, which tells the story of Cole Sear, a troubled, isolated boy, who is able to see and talk to the dead, and an equally troubled child psychologist (played by Bruce Willis), who tries to help him. The most famous lines from the film belong to the young boy. “I see dead people!” 

In a way, that is exactly writer of the Letter to the Hebrews, that I read from today, is telling us when he says, “we are surrounded by a “cloud of witnesses.” In fact, he is saying four things. 

(1) First, he is telling us that living the Christian life is like running a race. It is not a stroll for the lazy and indifferent. It takes the serious discipline of an athlete. We have to train every day of our lives. We have to know where we are going, remain focused, and keep our eyes on the finish line 

(1) Second, he is telling us that there are people “in the stands,” people who have run the race before us and who have already crossed the finish line, who are cheering us on! Can’t you feel their presence right now! This fact challenges us to remember that we are surrounded by a large group of supportive onlookers as we live out our lives as Christians. This is precisely what we mean when we say in our Creed that we believe in the “communion of the saints.” That is so damned easy to say, but today, standing here, I feel it! I, for one, do not actually see dead people, but I do feel their presence, helping me along the way. I believe that I am not alone on my journey of faith, but I am part of a larger story, a great procession of people marching through history. 

(2) Third, he is telling us to “persevere in running the race that lies before us.” Dropping out of the race is always an option, especially for the college students I used to work with when I was chaplain at Bellarmine University. . One of the big questions before the college students I worked with is this one. “Will you abandon the religious upbringing of your childhood or will you choose it for myself of your own free will? Will you persevere in living your Catholic Christian faith or will you simply drop out of the race because it is too hard, because it is too much trouble, because it demands too much, because it is too inconvenient or because others around you are dropping out as well? 

(3) Fourth, he is telling us to “keep our eyes fixed on Jesus.” Distractions are a problem for all of us, no matter how many laps of the race we have completed. There are those who seek to draw our attention away from the race we are running. “Look here! Look over there! Look at me! Look at this! Pay attention to this! Pay attention to that! See this! See that!” If we are to persevere in running this race, we must keep our eyes fixed on the finish line, we must “keep our eyes fixed on Jesus.” As we stand here among our family saints, let us be reminded, in the starkest way possible, that we too will be lying with them someday! We will then be part of this “cloud of witnesses.” We must remain focused on what we are doing and why we are doing, until we hear Jesus say to us at the finish line, “Well done, good and faithful servant, enter into the joy of your master!” 

I hope that you have had the time to share your favorite stories about our dear cousin. In your own way, you have shared short “eulogies” about him with each other. “Eulogies” are stories about what the deceased did for God – his professional accomplishments, his educational achievements, his services to the community and his dedication to his family. 

“Eulogies” are popular these days at funerals, but when we list all that the deceased did, we have to be careful. We cannot list them and then conclude that the deceased “earned his way to heaven” by doing all those good deeds. No, they must be seen as a grateful response to God’s free gift of salvation! Nobody can earn salvation! It’s free for the taking! We can’t earn it and we don’t deserve it, but God gives it to us free of charge! 

Priests and deacons, when they speak at funerals, are instructed not to give “eulogies” for that reason. It could give a wrong impression that salvation can be earned by good deeds! They are instructed to give a “homily.” What’s the difference? A “eulogy“ is all about what the deceased did for God! A “homily” is all about what God did for the deceased! 

I had the honor of hearing my cousin's confession, anointing him and giving him “communion” - "viaticum." "Viaticum" is communion for those who are dying. It means "something you take with you on the way - a packed lunch, if you will!" It is  bread for his journey through death to new life - the very Body of Christ himself.  Our cousin may not have been a “living saint” while he was here on earth, none of us are, but I believe he is now a “living saint” in heaven, not because of his goodness, but because of God’s goodness! 

When this pandemic gets you down, take a walk through a cemetery. Let that "holy ground" remind you of where you came from, where you are now and where you are headed! Let it remind you that you are not walking alone, but that you are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses cheering you on toward the finish line!  

BEING MORE INTENTIONAL ABOUT VERY ORDINARY THINGS - TWENTY FOUR

This is the twenty-fourth in a series of periodic reflections on the "ordinary things" that many people do on a regular basis without much thought. During this pandemic, I am developing a need to "rage, rage" against haste and laziness and replace it with care and attention. My hope is to become personally more intentional about doing ordinary things with care and focused attention, while inspiring others to maybe do the same.

TRYING TO KEEP NO ENEMIES

Wrath and anger are hateful things, yet the sinner hugs them tight. The vengeful will suffer the Lord's vengeance, for he remembers their sins in detail. Forgive your neighbor's injustice; then when you pray, your own sins will be forgiven. 

Sirach 27:30-28:2 

 

One of the things I like to do regularly is to do a quick "life review" to see if I have any enemies. During this pandemic, with a lot more time on my hands, I have had more time to think about it. 

I realized years ago that having an enemy is a heavy bag of stinking garbage to carry around. Mark Twain nailed it when he said, “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” I agree with him so much that I regularly "take stock" of whether I have any enemies and try to "love" them anyway. 

I do not think I have any real "enemies" at this time, but it seems that there has always one or two people who let me know they dislike me for one reason or another. I may still have some raw feelings, I may even crack a harmless joke about the lingering bits of pain once in a while, but I refuse to "hate" anyone! 

At this time, I can only think of three or four people who have been "problematic" in the past as far as my relationship with them. The interesting thing about it is the fact that three of them were priests! Since I have known hundreds and hundreds of priests, I guess that's not too bad! None of them confronted me openly with insults or name-calling. They "punished" me with the "silent treatment." They simply did not speak to me, give me the time of day or acknowledge my existence. In trying to find out the cause of this punishing silence, I have been told that some considered me "too liberal" and some were "jealous" of my visibility! I guess they thought that needed to be punished. 

In reading about it, I found out that the "silent treatment" is a form of abuse that is often used by narcissists, consciously or unconsciously, to make their victims feel unworthy, to deny them emotional care, to deny them praise, to starve them of love, affection, compliments and positive feedback, to regularly reject, degrade and deny them emotional responsiveness. It is a form of repetitive abuse that is aimed at controlling, diminishing another person’s well-being in order to hurt, punish, harm or control them. Best of all, it can be used to control their victims by keeping them guessing! It makes sense that punishing silence is a favorite technique of narcissists. Narcissists cannot tolerate the fact that someone else might shine as bright or brighter than them! Starving their competition out makes more sense to them than sharing the limelight or attacking outright! 

The person on the receiving end can end up resigned to feeling isolated, intimidated, insignificant, despondent, angry, resentful and even revengeful. Emotional stress brought about by persistent silent treatment can actually affect physical health. Some victims have noted that their abuser becomes notably happier the more worn down and miserable their victims become. In order to cope, the victim must appreciate that an abuser thrives on observing the negative effect they have on their target. Therefore it is necessary to stop “feeding’ their desire for control and power. This means not giving them the satisfaction of seeing the negative emotional effects of their immature behavior. They can derive a great sense of self importance and triumph if you get irate, annoyed, upset, capitulate, apologize, weep or plead with them to talk to you. The best thing to do is to starve them of these rewards by simply ignoring them! Meanwhile, they can always tell themselves they did nothing, said nothing and therefore are free of any blame. 

In my reflection, I have come to admit that, in these cases,  I was part of the problem! I let these people “get to me” because I held a few of Albert’s Ellis’s “Irrational and Dysfunctional Beliefs.” Here are two of those irrational beliefs that regularly cause me pain. BELIEF #1. "It is a dire necessity for adult humans to be loved or approved of by virtually every significant other person in their community." BELIEF #2. "People absolutely must act considerately and fairly and they are damnable villains if they do not. Ellis called it “awfulizing” as in “ain’t it awful!” 

When you hold those irrational beliefs, you are bound to be “let down” over and over again! The secret to a resolution is not giving their negativity attention.   You just have to "let them go" and let them "feel whatever they feel" without allowing it space in your mind. Most of all, you should not allow yourself to turn them into an "enemy." Big mistake! That would give them even more power over you! 

BEING MORE INTENTIONAL ABOUT VERY ORDINARY THINGS - TWENTY THREE

This is the twenty-third in a series of periodic reflections on the "ordinary things" that many people do on a regular basis without much thought. During this pandemic, I am developing a need to "rage, rage" against haste and laziness and replace it with care and attention. My hope is to become personally more intentional about doing ordinary things with care and focused attention, while inspiring others to maybe do the same.

SAFETY FATIGUE

Let us not grow tired of doing good, for in due time we shall reap our harvest, if we do not give up.

Galatians 6:9

Like many other people these days, I am tired of this pandemic. It is exhausting, mentally and physically. I am tired of the anxiety, the fear of getting infected, the economic-related stress, the difficulty of handling social distancing restrictions and changes in daily life. I am tired of being cooped up, tired of being careful and tired of being scared. Sometimes I feel like just saying "to hell with this" and ignoring all the warnings. Of course, this is the very reason COVID-19 is rising sharply again in some places in the U.S - some people have grown careless about wearing masks and social distancing. For others, it is simply a case of hard-headed, ignorant and angry resistance.

There is research that defines the stages of stress on communities from disasters. From what I read, people like me are right on target. 

Early during a disaster, communities tend to pull together, support each other and bond together. Remember the first weeks of the stay-at-home orders when everyone in the neighborhood waved at everyone else? 

Eventually, that heroic spirit wears thin, stress begins to build and we hit a period of disillusionment when we lose our optimism and start having negative, angry reactions.  

This seems to be where we are right now as a country. Many of us are exhausted by it all and have started saying to ourselves, "I don't care if I get COVID-19. I would rather get sick than stay home and be careful." Because it appears that this pandemic could last a while, I am tempted, but so far I haven't given into these feelings. 

There are things we can do and I have been doing some of them. First, I have been on the treadmill almost every day and I have taken walks in the cemetery near my house with a few friends. They say exercise releases endorphins and gets some of the adrenaline out when frustration builds. Second, I write and I talk to people on the phone, skype and what's app because saying it out loud helps release some of the stress. Third, what hurts more than the situation itself is how we think about the situation. I am trying to think positively by encouraging myself to "hang in there." Limiting the amount of news I watch each day helps me from drowning in the negativity and staying afloat. I need to hear the facts, but I don't need to overdose on them. I try to remind myself to take it one day at a time, to stay in the present rather than letting my mind race off into some misery-ridden future or some unretrievable past. 

We don't have to seal ourselves in a bubble, but we do have to act sensibly, follow the CDC guidelines and encourage one another to "keep on keepin' on!" Most of all, realizing that we were probably moving too fast in the past, we need to learn to chill, to take it easy and to go with the flow!"  I know from the experience of watching a good friend drown right in front of me that the worst thing one can do in a situation like that is to panic. The secret to surviving is learning to relax so that you can float to safety! 

HAPPY FEAST DAY TO BOTH CATHEDRALS CLOSE TO MY HEART

CATHEDRAL OF THE ASSUMPTION

Louisville, Kentucky USA

           I am a retired priest of the Archdiocese of Louisville.          I was pastor here from 1983-1997

 

CATHEDRAL OF THE ASSUMPTION

Kingstown, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines

        I am a volunteer priest of the Diocese of Kingstown               I have celebrated Mass and preached here several times in my retirement. 

 

 

 

 

MY IDEA OF HEAVEN

"You've got to get a little bit of heaven while you're here!"

"Rev Ike" a deceased former flamboyant TV "prosperity gospel" preacher.

This is certainly not the island of Saint Vincent, but it could possibly be one of those smaller islands further down the chain in the Grenadines. 

I hope to take an actual "vacation" in such a place down there before my days of volunteering in Saint Vincent are over! I would like to experience something other  than the frantic hustle and bustle, the traffic and the noise, of downtown Kingstown. I would love to see, not just the good people of crowded Saint Vincent, but the natural beauty of an almost empty outer island.

   

Oh how I would love to walk for hours on a wide, white-sand beach, eat wonderfully prepared and freshly-caught seafood, drink a few gin and tonics, sleep with the sound of ocean waves lapping the shore line and feel a nice breeze coming through open windows! 

I would hope there would be no pounding music coming from an outdoor  bar down the beach, no raucous, loud-mouthed party goers up half the night making sure everyone hears them, ruining that heavenly peace and quiet!  

Just give me a chair, somewhere off by itself, shaded by a palm tree, with nothing but the sound of waves, the warmth of the sun, the comfort of a gentle breeze, the cry of a bird or two flying overhead and the smell of blooming flowers floating in the air! 

After a long walk and a short nap, bring me a nice gin and tonic, with plenty of ice and a slice of fresh lime, in a tall glass. No, on second thought, while you are up bring two - about thirty minutes apart. Don't say anything, just leave the drinks, let me be and let me to pray the words of this old gospel hymn! Allow me, in the words of "Rev. Ike," to taste a "little bit of heaven while I'm here!"

HEAVENLY SUNLIGHT

Walking in sunlight all of my journey
Over the mountains, through the deep vale
Jesus has said, I'll never forsake thee
Promise divine that never can fail

Heavenly sunlight, Heavenly sunlight
Flooding my soul with glory divine
Hallelujah, I am rejoicing
Singing His praises, Jesus is mine

Shadows around me, shadows above me
Never conceal my Savior and Guide
He is the light, in Him is no darkness
Ever I'm walking close to His side

Heavenly sunlight, Heavenly sunlight!
Flooding my soul with glory divine
Hallelujah, I am rejoicing
Singing His praises, Jesus is mine

In the bright sunlight, ever rejoicing
Pressing my way to mansions above
Singing His praises, gladly I'm walking
Walking in sunlight, sunlight of love

Heavenly sunlight, Heavenly sunlight
Flooding my soul with glory divine
Hallelujah, I am rejoicing
Singing His praises, Jesus is mine

Heavenly sunlight, Heavenly sunlight
Flooding my soul with glory divine
Hallelujah, I am rejoicing
Singing His praises, Jesus is mine
Singing His praises, Jesus is mine

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Cook / Zelley

BEING MORE INTENTIONAL ABOUT VERY ORDINARY THINGS - TWENTY-TWO

This is the twenty-second in a series of periodic reflections on the "ordinary things" that many people do on a regular basis without much thought. During this pandemic, I am developing a need to "rage, rage" against haste and laziness and replace it with care and attention. My hope is to become personally more intentional about doing ordinary things with care and focused attention, while inspiring others to maybe do the same.

Leaving a Legacy

I will prove myself worthy of my old age, and I will leave to the young an example of how to die willingly and generously for the revered and holy law. 

II Maccabees 6:28 

I don't think I obsess about it, but it occurred to me the other day that during this pandemic I have thought about, and wrote about, death quite often! Much of it has to do with the fact that death is in the headline news everyday. Along with that, in the last month or two, I have been called on to do four grave-side services which has contributed to my thinking about death as well. All this, along with reaching the age of seventy-six, has led me to realize that death has become a point of reflection that I need to embrace on a personal level. If all that is not enough, the other day I got some help from the Chancery Office.  They sent me papers to fill out, telling me that it was time for me to update my funeral and end-of-life plans! Do they know something that I don't know? Hmmm! 

In my reflections, I have thought often of old Eleazar in the Old Testament. Eleazar was a very old Jewish man who was given the choice of eating pork against the teachings of his sacred faith or be killed. He could have saved his life by “going along.” His friends even tried to help him devise a scheme where he merely “appeared” to eat pork. He made up his mind to remain loyal to the holy laws of God and reject any efforts to "fake it." 

His reasons are worth quoting directly. “At our age it would be unbecoming to make such a pretense; many young men would think the ninety-year old Eleazar had gone over to an alien religion. Should I thus dissimulate for the sake of a brief moment of life, they would be led astray by me, while I bring shame and dishonor on my old age.” 

“Even if for the time being, I avoid the punishment of men, I shall never, whether alive or dead, escape the hands of the Almighty. Therefore, by manfully giving up my life now, I will prove myself worthy of my old age, and I will leave to the young a noble example of how to die willingly and generously for the revered and holy laws.” (II Maccabees 6:24-28) 

In my reflections, the word “legacy” came to mind. A legacy is something that a person leaves behind by which they can be remembered. When you don’t have children, an established charitable foundation or a public monument dedicated in your honor, what can your legacy be? 

As for my own legacy, the words of Shannon Alder might be a good place to start. “Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you.” The only part of that sentiment that really scares me to death is the part “the stories they share about you!” However, Oscar Wilde may have been right when he said, “There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.” 

The legacy I wish to leave behind may be outlined in one line of an old prayer that I said almost every week when I visited the nursing home. It is called “Learning Christ.” It is a prayer that a dear friend, Marea Gardner, introduced me to in her final days. This one line always stood out for me. “May no one be less good for having come within my influence.” Yes, that’s it! I want my legacy to be the fact that the people who crossed my path left better off! 

My prayer, then, going forward can be summed up in the words of that prominent Quaker missionary from the early 1800s, Stephen Grellet. “I shall pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.” 

“What will you leave behind?” Since I don’t have children, I probably will not leave much! However, I do like to think that some of my “encouraging words” might continue to live on for a while after I am gone because I took the time to publish them in little spiritual reading books. In my home, I have a wall of framed book covers that I have been calling my “baby pictures.”  

It’s not the number of books that count, however, it is the “encouraging words” in them that really count! The words of Maya Angelou come to mind. “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” This is the legacy I want. “He made me feel good about myself.” “He always offered me an “encouraging word.” “I was better off from knowing him.” 

Today I want to offer an encouraging word to all men and women, my age and older, as regards our “legacies” - the examples we set and leave behind for the young. For many of you, it is for your children and grandchildren. For me, it is my twenty nieces and nephews, as well as the parishioners, seminarians, friends and college students with whom I have done my ministry. 

I often ask myself these days, “What will my many parishioners, nieces, nephews, seminarians, college students and friends remember about me? Have I been kind, encouraging, generous, magnanimous and affirming toward them? Will they remember me as a credible example of fidelity and practicing what I have preached?” I truly hope so because I have certainly tried! 

What will your "legacy" be? What do you want it to be? You may still have time to build it up - or even repair it if necessary!