"CHURCH CHAT #45

 

 

 

WEIRD FACTS - AN ON-AND-OFF HISTORY OF A BEARD

I grew my first beard while backpacking in Europe in the summer of 1972 on my first of five trips to Taize, France. It has since changed - both in color and shape. I have shaved it off only a couple of times over the last 54 years - only to let it grow back pretty soon in one form or another.  

I am not asking for a vote, but I do remember one very memorable moment when an elderly woman neighbor banged on my car window as I was backing out of my condo garage and said this to me right after I had just shaved it off the first time! "I like your look better when your beard is shaved off! You don't look like a criminal!" My mind raced for a response, but I decided to take the high road and answered politely, "Well, thank you for the compliment, my dear! I am always open to honest feed-back because I am not a criminal and I certainly don't want to be mistaken for one!"

                                                Passport photo 1972 for my first trip to Taize
                               

I came home from Europe with this beard and kept it for my 1974 passport photo. 

My 1980 passport photo during a lull in traveling when I decided on longer hair and a longer beard.

Here, I look like the infamous Russian monk and self-proclaimed mystic, Grigori Rasputin, who was close to the Russian royal family and was killed for his shenanigans. 

 

Rasputin 1869-1916

Partial beard and shorter hair in June 2012, while a staff member at St. Meinrad Seminary. I began to apply a little dye in those days because it was beginning to turn a bit gray.   

My 2015 Passport after retirement. To celebrate my retirement, and because the beard dye was not convincing, I shaved it off before working in the Caribbean Missions

Post Caribbean Missions, I grew back a full beard that I let turn white around 2019.

Short hair and partial beard again around July 2024 after starting to work in the African Missions 

 

Clean shaven again for my renewed 2026 Passport - just in case I change my mind about traveling again!

 

SHE FOCUSED ON LIFTING UP THIS WORLD'S UNDERDOGS

 1946 - 2026

I couldn't help posting my reactions to the death of Dolly Parton on August 25th. She was an amazing woman who just happened to be a country music singer, movie star and business person. She was known for her kindness, generosity and spirituality.  She was plain "good" and "good at" what she did!  

The reason I decided to write this post was the fact that my favorite song of hers is Coat of Many Colors - the lyrics of which I am printing below. As a person from humble country roots myself, I identify with this song in particular. It brings back a very, very vivid memory from when I was probably five years old, just one of two memories of being five years old. We too were poor in 1949, but didn't realize it. That summer, my mother made some home-made summer shorts for me and my brother from a worn-out pair of my father's kaki work pants. I got one leg of his old pants for my shorts and my year younger brother got the other leg for his shorts. I remember being so proud of wearing them! We had not started school yet, and everybody in Rhodelia back then was poor, so we didn't have to worry about being teased.   

COAT OF MANY COLORS

Back through the years I go wanderin' once again

Back to the seasons of my youth

I recall a box of rags that someone gave us

And how my momma put the rags to use

There were rags of many colors

But every piece was small

And I didn't have a coat

And it was way down in the fall

Momma sewed the rags together

Sewin' every piece with love

She made my coat of many colors

That I was so proud of

As she sewed, she told a story

From The Bible, she had read

About a coat of many colors

Joseph wore and then she said

"Perhaps this coat will bring you

Good luck and happiness"

And I just couldn't wait to wear it

And momma blessed it with a kiss

My coat of many colors

That my momma made for me

Made only from rags

But I wore it so proudly

Although we had no money

Oh, I was rich as I could be

In my coat of many colors

My momma made for me

So with patches on my britches

And holes in both my shoes

In my coat of many colors

I hurried off to school

Just to find the others laughing

And making fun of me

And my coat of many colors

My momma made for me

And oh I couldn't understand it

For I felt I was rich

And I told them of the love

My momma sewed in every stitch

And I told 'em all the story

Momma told me while she sewed

And how my coat of many colors

Was worth more than all their clothes

But they didn't understand it

And I tried to make them see

That one is only poor

Only if they choose to be

Now I know we had no money

But I was rich as I could be

In my coat of many colors

My momma made for me

Made just for me

Dolly Parton had several Jesus-like qualities without drawing attention to them, as if they were "second-nature." She was genuine, honest, real, true, original and credible. Like Jesus in the gospels, she focused her energy and locked in on lifting up "underdogs" like herself. In her songs, she encouraged the "looked-down on" and "the left-out" and modeled for them to see that they, too, could become more than they, or anyone around them, ever expected! 

Obviously, I am not as talented as she was, and certainly not as successful, but I too came from a humble background, have always focused on underdogs like myself in my ministry, always given credit to where I came from and  continuously tried to "re-invent" myself!  In fact, that is precisely why I have always admired her for "reinventing" herself so often. I have passionately tried to "re-invent" myself several times over the years. In doing that, both of us have had to overcome doubt, criticism and the temptation to back off and give up. We have both had to muster the courage to resist the temptation to believe that "life is something that happens to you and all you can do is to make the most of it" and choose to operate rather out of the belief that "life is about creating yourself - over and over again" as long as possible!  

She was a model to me to always pray for the courage to be authentic, to be proud of where I came from, to develop imaginative ways for telling that story and to be responsible for a personal, but wise, outreach to those who need a helping hand (in my case the mission areas here in southern Kentucky, in the Caribbean, in two east African countries and my home parish.).  She lived two of my favorite Scripture passages: "Give and gifts will be given to you; a good measure, packed together, shaken down, and overflowing, will be poured into your lap. For the measure with which you measure will be in turn be measured out to you." (Luke 6:38)  "Much will be required of the person entrusted with much, and still more will be demanded of the person entrusted with more." (Luke 12:48) 

May Dolly Parton rest in peace! I am convinced that God is going to be especially good to her since she was especially good to his people, especially those who lived on the margins! 

UNCHAIN YOURSELF AND LET YOURSELF GO FREE

"If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he refuses to listen to you and others, then treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax collector.”

Matthew 18:15-20

In today's gospel, we are presented with a three-step process for resolving conflicts. First, go talk to the person face to face. If that doesn't work, take somebody with you who you both trust. If that doesn't work, go to someone in the church - maybe the pastor or deacon - and if that doesn't work, then treat them like you would a "Gentile or tax collector!" Just how would Jesus treat a Gentile or a tax collector? He would love them anyway!

I have been a priest for 56 years. I can honestly say that the most spiritual experience of my life was not the day I was ordained, not the day I said my first Mass, baptized my first baby, married my first couple, anointed my own mother before she died or presided at my first funeral. The most spiritual experience of my life was the day, 40 years ago, that I decided consciously to forgive and seek forgiveness from a close family member. I finally realized that my taking offense was just as toxic for me as his giving offense.

I read that Amazon.com lists @161,000 books on the topic of forgiveness. That’s @32,000 more than books on sexuality. What does that tell us about the human heart and what it hungers for most?

You haven’t experienced freedom unless you have experienced the freedom that comes when you let go of resentments that sear your soul, preoccupy your thoughts and drain your strength. Yet, there are so many people who hug their hurts and nurse their wounds in an all-consuming preoccupation because they cannot “let go.”

When they refuse to forgive, they choose to be “right” over being "free." Catherine Ponder said it best when she said, “When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”

The biggest mistake people make when it comes to forgiveness is to believe that it is a favor one does for the one who has wronged them. Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! It was Suzanne Somers who said it best when she said, “Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.”

Lewis B. Smedes said it this way: “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” Alan Paton pointed out, “When deep injury is done us, we never recover until we forgive.”

Another mistake people make when it comes to forgiveness is to believe that forgiveness is a sign of weakness and spinelessness if you don’t “stand up for yourself.” Actually, as Mohandas Gandhi pointed out, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

The refusal to forgive keeps one imprisoned in the past. Paul Boese put it this way: “Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” Archbishop Desmund Tutu of South Africa said, “Without forgiveness, there is no future.” Forgiveness is basically a choice to have a future over a past.

The biggest obstacle of all to forgiveness is the belief that the one who wrongs you needs to apologize, make amends and show evidence of change. While that is certainly part of justice, it is not essential to forgiveness.

Forgiveness is most powerful when it is unilateral and unconditional. Unilateral and unconditional forgiveness is a sign of ultimate strength, because when you forgive unilaterally, you actually take charge of your situation and refuse to be someone else’s victim any longer.

One of the most useful insights on the subject of forgiveness I have ever stumbled across was one from the Nazi concentration camp survivor, Victor Frankl, in his book, Man’s Search for Meaning. He wrote these deeply meaningful and truly useful words: “Everything can be taken away from a man but one thing — the ability to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.”

We cannot always control what happens to us or around us, but we can choose how we want to respond to it. Things do not always work out. People divorce. Employees need to be fired. Children break our hearts. Friends let us down. Parents fail at parenting. In a world where revenge, vindictiveness, reciprocation, retribution and retaliation seem to be the most typical responses, we can train ourselves to respond differently.

Today, I would also like to talk about the virtue of magnanimity, meaning to be generous in forgiving, eschewing resentment or revenge, and being unselfish and other-focused. The word comes from two Latin words: magna, meaning great, and animus, meaning soul or mind. Being magnanimous means being “big minded” or “great souled.” It has nothing to do with who is right or who is wrong. It simply means to freely choose to be “noble” regardless of who is right and who is wrong. Magnanimity is possible only for those who are not addicted to being right and who do not have a burning need to be faultless.

In life, we come face to face with unexpected circumstances, people who let us down and things that do not turn out the way we want them to be. Misunderstandings, human mistakes, bitter disappointments and shattered dreams are actually part of normal living. The more important thing to remember in those circumstances is that what happens is often not nearly as important as how we choose to react to what happens.

It takes magnanimity to go through a divorce without bitter vindictiveness and revenge. This is especially true when children are involved. In such cases, we might not be able to teach them about the permanence of marriage, but we can teach them about how to be civil, gracious and respectful with adversaries. It is as much of a gift to oneself as it is to the other, because it takes too much energy to carry a grudge.

It takes magnanimity to forgive an ungrateful child, a hurtful spouse or a hateful sibling, a former friend or a mean co-worker and treat them well without being bitter, resentful, caustic and hostile. All the time and energy it takes to nurse wounds that we would as soon not heal is ultimately self-punishing anyway. It takes magnanimity to forgive and make the first move toward reconciliation without needing to exact an apology. That is noble indeed. Taking the high road of humility is not a bad road to take for a relationship worth saving.

Let me speak directly to those of you in an abusive relationship! First, by all means get the hell out of the street and don't let yourself be run over again and again and maybe be killed! Save yourself first! You can forgive later! 

My best advice that I can leave the rest of you with today is this: pick up the phone, write an e-mail or ring a doorbell and make the first move toward reconciliation with anyone you have hurt or been hurt by. Pray over it for a while before you act. No matter the response you get, whether it is good or bad, let it go. It will be easier if you understand that you won't be doing them a favor or even God a favor, as much as you will be doing yourself a favor! Do it for your sake! Let yourself out of that prison of resentment, anger and grudges. Be free whether it is anger toward others, yourself or the Church! As Mark Twain so wisely said, “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”