“There
is Faith in Honest Doubt”
Rev.
Ronald Knott
April
23, 2017
Thomas was not
with them when Jesus stood in their midst
the first time.
When the others told him about it, Thomas said,
“Unless I see the
mark of the nails in his hands and put
my fingers in the
holes, I will not believe.” A week later,
Thomas was with
them when Jesus came and stood in their midst.
John 20:19-31
One of the things
that happens when you read the Bible on a regular basis, like I do in
preparation for preaching, is that even familiar passages are always speaking to
you in new ways. It happened again this week when I read today’s gospel, a text
I have read and preached on many times. This is the first time I noticed the
words, “When the gathered disciples saw Jesus after his resurrection and told
Thomas who was not there with them, it says that Thomas refused to believe
them. What I noticed this time was that Thomas kept meeting with them anyway!
He didn’t say, “Jesus was here? Ridiculous! He’s dead! Your delusional! I’m
outta here!” No, it says he was with
them the next time!
What Thomas did
was pretty much the opposite of what we do when he have doubts. When we doubt, we quit joining the community. We assume that joining the faith community is only for those who believe, for those without doubt. People, in our
experience, who doubt quit the worshiping community! Not Thomas! He kept
joining them, even when he doubted.
The first thing
many people assume about faith is that doubt is the opposite of faith. Not
true! Honest doubt is not the opposite of faith. There is faith even in honest
doubt. Honest doubt is actually an
integral part of faith. Thomas was not the only one who had doubts back then.
When Matthew tells us, at the end of his gospel, that the disciples “worshiped
even when they doubted,” he wants us to know this basic principle: honest doubt
was part of the faith, even the
faith of those who were closest to Jesus.
The truth of the
matter is that many of the Easter stories, we have been reading this past week,
are a mixture of faith and doubt.
The disciples are presented as very skeptical about Mary Magdalen’s story about
seeing Jesus alive on that first Easter Sunday morning. Thomas, flat-out, refused
to believe until he was given the opportunity to touch Jesus. On the road to Emmaus, other disciples were astounded by the report of Jesus being
seen alive. They even failed to recognize him walking right beside them. Even
after many reports, even after
having seen him themselves, we
are told in Matthew’s gospel that some worshiped, even as they doubted. Yes,
the message is simple: faith is never black and white, all or nothing, but
always mixed with a good measure of healthy doubt. Doubt does not necessarily mean you don’t
have faith. Doubt probably means you do
have faith!
“Unless I see his
wounds and touch them, I will not believe!”
The bigger question than whether doubt is part of faith, is what to do
about doubt. Many, when they doubt, say to themselves, “It is hypocritical for
me to pretend to believe when I
really don’t believe. When I
start believing, when my faith is strong again, then it will make sense for me to start praying and worshiping
again.” That may sound good,
even reasonable, but that’s not how it works! As Thomas teaches us today, what really works is for us to gather with
believers until we believe. Like a single hot coal, pulled away from a
heap of burning coals, soon loses its heat, a doubter separated from the
community of believers loses even more of his faith. Faith begets faith and
doubt begets doubt.
Thomas may teach
us yet another version of the great truth: “fake it till you make it.” Even
though Alcoholics Anonymous made that idea famous, it actually goes back to the
ancient Roman poet, Ovid who said, “Pretend to what is not, and then you’ll
become in truth, what you are pretending to be.” The great philosopher William James put it
this way, “Act as if and the
mind will produce your desire.” The idea is, if you take something that feels
impossible, or at least completely unnatural, and pretend that it is the
easiest, most natural things on the world for you to be doing, eventually, it
will become as easy as you’re pretending it to be.
I practice this
often in my own life. (1) As many of you know, I grew up pretty much crippled
by bashfulness. Bashful people find it painful to be in public situations. To
cope, they are driven to avoid public situations as much as possible. This is a
sure way to keep bashfulness going. The solution is to get out in public as
much as possible, faking confidence, until one day you wake up and find out
that you are no longer bashful. The only
way out of the fear of public speaking is to “fake it till you make it,” to do
public speaking until you are no longer afraid to speak in front of
crowds. You cannot think your way out of
bashfulness, you have to act your way out of bashfulness. (2) When I was sent
to southeastern Kentucky as a newly ordained priest, against my will, somehow I
was able to open my mind to “fake it till I made it.” I decided, since I did
not get what I wanted, I would pretend to want what I got until I was able to
really want what I got. It worked. Those ten years were wonderful years in many,
many ways. I “acted as if it were a great assignment until
it became a great assignment.”
My friends, all of
us have a good measure of healthy doubt, even as we believe. The secret to
making sure that the scales do not tip too far to the doubt side, is to act as if we believe until we believe, to pray even when we don’t feel like it,
to worship until we feel like
worshiping.
So when you are
tempted to drop out because “I don’t get anything out of it” or “I’m not into
it today,” that is when you really
need to get into it, that is
when you really need to act as if you
are getting something out of it until you
get something out of it. Even believers
sometimes have to “fake it till they make it.”
