OMG! I WILL TURN 80 TOMORROW! UNBELIEVABLE!

Simply Amazed - Forever Grateful 

IF YOU DON'T LAUGH, YOU CRY!

1. Looking 50 is great if you’re 60. ~Joan Rivers
2. Age is a high price to pay for maturity. ~Tom Stoppard
3. No man is ever old enough to know better. ~Holbrook Jackson
4. Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician. ~Author Unknown
5. When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick. ~George Burns
6. A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. ~John Barrymore
7. You’re only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash
8. Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative. ~Maurice Chevalier
9. You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, “See if you can blow this out.” ~Jerry Seinfeld
10. Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving. ~Author Unknown
11. Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. ~George Burns
12. A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘“At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.” ~Claude Pepper
13. You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. ~Bob Hope
14. He’s so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money upfront. ~George Burns
15. By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. ~Billy Crystal
16. True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country. ~Kurt Vonnegut
17. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward. ~John Mortimer
18. You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. ~Woody Allen
19. As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two. ~Sir Norman Wisdom
20. I don’t do alcohol anymore. I can get the same effect just by standing up fast. ~Author Unknown
21. None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm. ~Henry David Thoreau
22. Talk about getting old. I was getting dressed, and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look, and pulled down the shade. ~Joan Rivers 
23. Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. ~Larry Lorenzoni
24. It’s not that I’m afraid to die; I just don’t want to be there when it happens. ~Woody Allen
25. If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself. ~Author Unknown 

                                                                                   

 

PS: 

"Lord, thank you especially for sending all those Hearing Aids, Body Contouring, Life Alerts, Walk-In Tubs, Hemp Gummies, Dementia Warnings, Sono-Bello Liposuction, Neuropathy Help, Free Stroke Screenings and Final Expenses ads to my SPAM folder! 

Just let me know when I actually need them and I'll start using the "NOT SPAM" button from that point on! I promise!

Your old friend, Ronald